Bacon Strips

It's not over til it's official

2008-08-11T21:09:00.002-04:00

Well it's official now. Not that the solid year and a half of neglect gave it away or anything, but this site is being abandoned. I always held out the hope that someday I'd get the itch to throw some words this way. But now that I feel like writing again this doesn't feel like the right venue anymore. Kinda like going past a house you used to live in only to find that no one moved in after you left and the landlord was a dick so the house just fell into disrepear. Of course you threw a rock through the front window, but by that point it wasn't going to hurt anything anyway. Well this post is that rock.

Peace out.

Eff the NY Jets

2007-10-07T15:03:00.000-04:00

This might be short lived... I've got a couple tickets on today's football action, but it's not looking great.

Bank: $-6

Gamblor!

2007-10-03T18:50:00.000-04:00

Wow, this place is in shambles. I don't have anything worth posting, but I've decided to keep track of my gambling winnings (yeah thats right, winnings).

Hockey season starts tonight and I've got the Red Wings and Senators both winning by 2 with Alfredson outscoring Sundin by 1.

Bank: $-2

No More Fun and Games

2007-01-30T23:51:00.000-05:00

Don't worry, that title is a total lie. This post is actually sponsored by fun and games. I have recently spent a rediculous amount of time in one particular corner of the internet (and I'm not talking about Facebook right now). I'm talking bout TETRIS. So I figured since we haven't had one of these game challenges in a while (or any comments you jerks!) that I'd put up my high score and set the bar. Ready. Set. Tetris!!

NEW RECORD!

I Hope Jack Bauer Doesn't Read This Blog

2007-01-30T18:35:00.000-05:00

Is it just me or did last night's episode of 24 kind of...ummm, suck ass? I'm sure that by the end of the season I'll have forgotten all about it, but the last 2 hours of Jack Bauer's life haven't lived up to his usual standards.

At this point in time I am willing to call the song Cordelia by The Tragically Hip one of the greatest and most underrated songs off all-time.

Angst on the planks, spittin' from a bridge / Just to see how far down it really is

What if the NHL went to a 76 game schedule? Playing 4 games a year against each team in your division, 3 games against the other teams in your conference (alternating 2 home vs. 1 away on a yearly basis) and 2 games against each team in the opposite conference. That way everyone is playing a balanced schedule and you're guaranteed to see every team in the league in your building at least once. That right there is just another reason why I am more awesome than Gary 'The Count' Bettman.

15 Days until pitchers and catchers report!

Oh, and Happy Jeff Bagwell Day!

Kind of Like a Two-For-One Deal...

2007-01-17T15:38:00.000-05:00

On Monday/Tuesday I worked a 22 1/2 hour shift. I actually volunteered for this, because as the selfproclaimed 'King of the All-nighter' I can't turn down a challenge. I knew I could stay up all night and still have my proformance unaffected in the morning. What I didn't expect was the bonus I recieved. You see because I slept as soon as I got home and then stayed up most of the night again it feels like I'm getting two days off from work instead of just the one day that appears on the calander. Jackpot!

Under "Bomb-diggity" in the dictionary there is a picture of Pringles Jalapeno flavoured chips.

Tonight on sportsnet is the Top Prospects Game featuring the best, undrafted players in the CHL. Unlike the NHL all-star game that doesn't mean anything (How does Jagr not get named to the team?!) these players have something to play for. According to a source that I just made up in my head, the Top Prospects Game and the World Junior tournament are the two biggest draws for NHL scouts. So tune in tonight and watch 40 of the best undrafted players fight for roster spots.

You should probably question the authority of any dictionary shady enough to have the word 'Bomb-diggity' in it. Especially if it's between 'Bomb' and 'Booyeah'.

Old School Joint of the Day: Do You Feel Like I Do (live) - Peter Frampton

His guitar freaking talks!

If you haven't watch the premiere episodes of 24 yet you probably don't know that Agent Curtis "Face punch" Manning got shot in the neck. Although if you just read that sentance there is an increased chance that you now know. Even though he delivered one of the greatest face punches in the history or televison I wasn't that sad to see him go. Not like the time they killed Tony "Cubs Mug" Almeida, I'm still bitter about that one. Like the crazy old man on the bus says: "Hey, if we're all gonna die sometime anyway, getting shot in the face by Jack Bauer isn't all that bad."

two - four !!!

2007-01-15T20:00:00.000-05:00

Hi My Name Is Mike, And I Have A Problem...

2007-01-11T16:02:00.000-05:00

Facebook. I can feel the addiction slowly extending its grubby paws and trying to take a hold of me. I've avoided it for so long and now in spite of my best efforts I find myself checking it multiple times a day. At the surface it seems so simple, yet there is still so much to learn and explore. For instance, what in the eff is the purpose of a 'poke'?

In completely unrelated news I finally finished re-adding all my CDs to my computer and the grand total is just over 1800 tracks. The best part about going through all those CDs again was finding the random burned and unlabeled ones that contain all the great songs that I had totally forgotten about (yes, they're so great that I forgot them). So for at least the next couple posts I'm gonna be signing off with my Old School Joints of the Day. Today's forgotten treasure: One Burbon, One Scotch, One Beer. It's a great song, and it makes me thirsty.

Lastly the other purpose of this post is to break up the potential 'Steve post trifecta'. It's kinda like tic-tac-toe for bloggers.

what??... huh??

2007-01-11T13:02:00.000-05:00

overheard at glendon:

high school tour kid - "man, all these girls here look like they could punch the baby"

WTF? what does that even mean? damn... i must be getting old.

wow... a post!

2007-01-10T17:45:00.000-05:00

since all my favourite shows went on hiatus during the christmas break i decided to download some. now because of this i'm obsessed with Entourage. this show is amazing. i definitely recommend it. also got the first (and only) season of freaks and geeks. i love this show. they actually cast nerdy kids as the geeks instead of some cute guy thats supposed to be a geek (ie the OC). i don't really have much to say, but i've been told i have to post at least once a week, so there it is :P maybe i'll post something interesting next week.

PS. the new episodes of 24 are FUCKING CRAZY.
hehehe

Once, Twice, Three Times Rediculous

2007-01-09T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today was my first day off from work in a week. I had a pretty sweet day planned, with only three things on my to do list. 1- Laundry. 2- Build a bookshelf. 3- Stock up bookshelf. I got all those things done so I'm pretty happy with myself, but while I was doing all that my work called me 3 times! The best part of the three calls was that only one of them was even slightly necessary. The first call was to let me know that I was in fact off today. Like I'm gonna forget when I have a glorious day off and come in by mistake. Oh yeah, and that call actually woke me up from my glorious slumber. The third call was my favorite though. That call was from the receptionist asking me to call one of the bosses. So I call the boss and what did he want? He wanted me to call another employee that he hadn't been able to reach. I guess that's why they pay me so much.

So this is what 2007 looks like...

2007-01-08T22:35:00.000-05:00

I'll put this at the top so that maybe it will remind me that my new year's resolution is to write at least one post per week. I should be able to keep that up til at least February.

I had a solid holiday/vacation. I got a bunch of gift cards/certificates which I magically turned into a bunch of books/DVDs. So I'm planning on that keeping me occupied for a significant amount of the future.

When I was purchasing books I snagged what I'm calling The Evolutionary Triple-Pack. I got The Origin of Species by my homeboy as well as Evolution: The Triumph of an Idea by Carl Zimmer and The Third Chimpanzee: The Evolution and Future of The Human Animal by Jared Diamond. I haven't read any of them yet so I can't comment on at the moment, but you can be sure that I will at some point. Anyway, when I was buying the books the cashier asked me if I was a teacher and kinda pointed at the books. Like only teachers buy educational books? And it wasn't like I was even nicely dressed, I wasn't rocking the top hat/monocle combo or anything. I know I had my headphones still in, and I'm pretty sure that I was wearing trackpants (yeah I'm a classy motherfucker).

The Detroit Red Wings retired Steve Yzerman's #19 on January 2nd. I was thinking about 'live-blogging' the event but I decided to give it my complete undevided attention instead. The videos and speaches were are really good, and the Wings wore four different Yzerman jerseys during the warm-up to represent his time in the OHL, his all-star appearances, his Stanley Cups and his gold medals with Team Canada. If you know me then you know how I feel about Yzerman. He's at best the greatest player of all-time and at worst he's the league's all-time most underrated player

I learned how a weather vane works today. That was one of the random thoughts that I had on the way in to work this afternoon so I looked into it when I got home.

Speaking of things you probably don't care about: My two football pools are done for the season. The two teams I managed were pretty much mirror images of each other. In one pool I jumped out to a commanding lead with an 8-3 record and then promply went on a 5 week losing streak before turning it around in the consolation final to take third place (Although my team put up the most overall points on the season...kinda like Al Gore's popular vote). My other team pretty much sucked ass from day one. I finished the regular season 8th out of 10 teams, but my team started clicking for the last two weeks to make me the 5th place winner. I was kinda mad at my preformances in those pools until I realized something...

Baseball pools start soon!! I don't know when the official date is that Yahoo opens their pools up, but it's usually before spring training, and the first spring training game is on February 26th. I really want to run 3 auction-style pools this season. One AL-only, one NL-only and one with all of MLB. Although I'm pretty sure that it's going to be difficult to find support to just do one.

Thats enough outta me for now. Seeya in a week (or less).

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T23:57:00.000-05:00

I could really use an Easy Button right now...

2006-12-20T22:56:00.000-05:00

I got my computer back. Well, sorta. The keyboard and mouse are the same at least. Apparently they replaced a bunch of the inner workings of this fabulous machine and I got a new screen out of the deal. So basically that says to me that they couldn't figure out what was wrong and they just got rid of everything that was the potential problem. Speaking of getting rid of everything that includes all the music, pictures, movies and programs I had too. It's kinda nice on the one had to have all this empty space on the hard drive again, since the old one had a bunch of crap that I was too lazy to sift through. On the other hand I have to rip all my CDs into iTunes again which is a long and tedious process. Especially for all my burned mix CDs that have to have the song titles and artits typed in. Man, I really love technology sometimes.

This is the remix...

2006-12-04T09:20:00.000-05:00

So my computer is fucked up again. I'm not impressed. I took it to the guys that fixed it the last time and yelled at them a bit, but that didn't get me anywhere. I'm really hoping that they just replace the bastard instead of trying to fix it. 1) Because I want a new computer and 2) because this computer only has about 3 weeks left on its warranty and if it fucks up again once that is expired I'm gonna be super not impressed.

Anyway I dunno when it's gonna be coming back so I dunno when I'll be back. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. If I'm not back by St. Patricks Day call the cops and send them to the nearest Staples. I'll be going on a spree, and not of the shopping variety.

wiiiii

2006-11-29T22:43:00.000-05:00

Odds and Ends from a Slacking Blogger

2006-11-25T14:37:00.000-05:00

Seriously, you'd think a blog with three authors would be able to punch out more than 10 posts in a month. We're gonna have to kick it into overdrive if we want to hit double digits this month. Of course when I say "we" I really mean me. I've gotta throw this blog on my back like Ludacris did with the Def Jam label. Shit, am I going to have to grow a monster 'fro now too? Well I've got a few things to throw at this blog today, and despite being only 30 days from Christmas this post is going to be heavy on my baseball thoughts.

Justin Morneau is your American League MVP. Coming up to the vote a lot of sports folk were saying that this would be the year that Derek Jeter would take down the trophy. I can't even find the right adjective to describe how happy I am that he lost. I don't even have any problems with Jeter, he's probably the only Yankee that I don't hate. But there is no way he was more valuable to the Yanks then Morneau was to the Twins. Not even close.

Morneau winning the MLB MVP award also gave Canada the Most Valuable Player trifecta, joining the NHL's Joe Thornton and the NBA's Steve Nash. Now if we could just get a Canadian into the NFL. Well one that wasn't a gigantic choke artist/douchebag at least. A Canadian winning the Hart Trophy isn't much of a shock considering that the NHL is probably about 50% Canadian content. But I'd be willing to bet that there are less than 30 Canadians starting for their respective teams in the NBA and MLB combined. Hell, 30 is too hard, I'll say 15. Someone prove me wrong. Please.

The free agent signing this baseball offseason are fucking rediculous. I don't even want to talk about it.

OJ Simpson's book If I Did It and his television interview have been scrapped due to the public outcry and FOX suddenly having some kind of morals. I was in elementary school when this trial was going on, and I'm almost ashamed to admit that to this day I could still talk somewhat intelligently about the trial's detatils. I can't be the only one right? That shit was all over the media, Judge Ito, Mark Furrman, the leather gloves, the air conditioning unit he ran into (allegedly) and the Ford Bronco. My point is, what could have been in this book that hasn't allready been assumed and reported on? I would've been more interested in reading a book called 'If I Did It' and OJ talking about some other crime that he has never been related to. Like 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: If I Did It', I don't care about how you would have commited a crime that you're already suspected of commiting, I wanna know how you'd plan to get away with different crimes. Or maybe how some other celebrities would get away with the crime that OJ (allegedly) commited. Wouldn't you rather read about how Kelly 'Jack the' Ripa would have done it?

I've heard a couple reports that Vince Carter is considering a return to the Raptors after this season. I hate the guy, but I think it would be a great move for the team. I also think that the fans would for the most part be supportive. That is of course until the first time he gets hurt, or it appears that he wasn't giving 100% in a game. Then it'll all come flooding back and it'll get ugly. I still think if the reports are true that it's worth the risk. A team with CB4, Air Canada and The Little Engine (That's T.J. Ford's nickname apparently) would be pretty solid in a weak Eastern Conference.

Oh and how about that Michael Richards? He's racist, he's not racist, whatever-thefuck-ever. I think most people are missing the main point here. He's a brutal standup comic. He lost his fucking mind over a couple of hecklers...at a comedy club. Thats half of what standup comedy is about. I think he should've gone with the standard self check-in to a rehab centre and blamed it on some banned substance instead of that awkward forced 'apology' on Letterman.

Rap Lyric o' the Day: "I'm just a victim of society, it's Chris The Menace. Got more shit out on the streets then evicted tennants."

Did you get your PS3 or Wii yet? Did you get shot trying to get one? Who needs first person shooters anyway right? If it's not the rap music it's the video games making all these kids coo-coo in the coconuts. But did you see any of the news footage of the scraps over the game consoles? There are some middleaged homies dropping 'bows on each other at the enterance to Best Buy. And how much must it suck to be working in the electronics department of your local stores right now? If you're not dodging bullits when you open the doors you're baracading yourself in the office til the army comes in to save you when the angered mob realizes that you don't have enough systems to support them all.

On that note I'm gonna make like a fetus and get up outta this mutha.

About 29 more then I expected...

2006-11-16T17:59:00.000-05:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
29
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

There's only 2 though if I go with "Mike"

You Decide!

2006-11-15T23:29:00.000-05:00

Cruelty to animals, or fucking hilarious?

Can't it be both?

Somebody gonna get a shank real bad...

2006-11-15T12:39:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to post for a few days now, but unfortunatley I've been busy. Really busy. You see I recently purchased the first season of Prison Break and a couple video games so as you can probably imagine most of my free time is booked up.

I didn't watch the first season at all when it was on TV because I didn't decide til about halfway through the season that it would be worth watching. People I knew that were watching it recommended waiting for the DVD set rather then just jumping into the middle. So thats what I did, and it was worth it. This show is crazy intense! I've started watching the 2nd season so I already knew a couple things that would happen and it doesn't ruin the intensity level at all. It's like watching the earlier seasons of 24, you know Jack Bauer isn't going to die, but it's still just as intense.

At this point I realize I should've come into this post with a couple synonyms for intense.

This first season is so good that I really want to start shanking motherfuckers. It's so easy, all you have to do is look shady and walk passed someone in slow motion. The slow motion walk will trigger them to hand you something sharp and pointy. Then you speed up your walk passed the intened target give'em a couple quick pokes in the side and it's game over. Man, the life of a convict at a max-security prison sure is sweet.

As an added bonus the warden at the prison (Stacey Keach ) played the crazy father on Titus so you can watch it just waiting for him to snap and say something rediculous....but he never does.

INTENSE!

Overheard in the T-Dot

2006-11-08T17:39:00.000-05:00

Guy 1: Yo, I thought you said it was walking distance.

Guy 2: It is. Your legs will totally carry you.

Guy 1: Hey, I didn't sign up for no excercise today.

Guy 2: You didn't sign up for no excercise?

Guy 1: Man, fuck you and fuck your double negatives.

This is for you

2006-11-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

If you like those montages on America's Funniest Home Videos about people falling down.

Clip from a documentary about Troy Hurtubise, who has been on a quest to build an invulnerable bear suit to study wild grizzlies.

My favorite part is when he gets hit by the truck....repeatedly.

At Long Last - A Trevor Kidd Update!

2006-11-04T22:15:00.000-05:00

That's right folks,
When the 2003-2004 season ended, and Tampa Bay was hoisting the cup something happened that would forever change the Toronto Maple Leafs...Trevor Kidd disappeared. The funny yet not unexpected thing about this little fact, is that no one seemed to really care. I don't recall ever hearing anything about this young troubled star at all during the lockout. There was nothing on the Leafs' website, nor was there any news on any Trevor Kidd fan pages (all 3 that existed). Thanks to my lovely counterpart Ms. Laguerder, we have managed to track down just what happened to Trevor Kidd.

This is what we know:

On May 2nd 2004, Trevor Kidd played his last game in a Leafs uniform replacing Eddie Belfour in a 7 - 2 loss to Philadelphia.
During the NHL lockout, he played with team HC Orebro 90 in Sweden.
In May of 2005, Kidd signed a deal with the Hannover Scorpions in Germany.

We also know that on March 26th, 2006 at the Continental Airlines Arena in New Jersey, Trevor Kidd returned to the Toronto Lineup although this time, he was not between the pipes but instead on defense. As ESPN's Website shows in the below link, Trevor Kidd would net an assist and a 2 minute penalty for hooking. All in all not a bad return to the Blue and White.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/boxscore?gameId=260326011

So where is the "Kidder" today? We know he never went back to Germany despite them finishing 2nd and reaching the Semi-Finals, however, this is all we know. If anyone knows anything at all regarding Trevor Kidd's whereabouts, please don't bother telling us because really no one cares and I just really didn't have anything interesting to blog about.

Cheers,
Tom

iPods at Work

2006-11-02T09:57:00.000-05:00

This article has angered me this morning. I don't even care about the main point of the article. In some workplaces I'm sure using the iPod (or other mp3able device) can make employees more productive, but like I said thats not why I'm here. Just read it and think about the 'statistics' that the article presents (don't worry there is really only two of them). Am I crazy or does that not make sense. If 1 in 5 people are using an iPod at work how can "just under a quarter of employees" be using their Ipods for up to 3 hours a day. Wouldn't that mean at least 1 in 4 people were using Ipods? I know I'm not a math whiz or anything, but I'm right on this one right? Fuck you article!

Get Out of My Personal Space!!

2006-11-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

So let me tell you about the break room at my work. There are 5 circular tables with 3 to 5 chairs around each one. Got the picture in your head? Good. So I go into the break room and there is one other person in there sitting at a table reading the paper. I pour myself a cup of disgusting-ass coffee, grab a paper and sit down at another table and begin to read. Ten to fifteen minutes go by and one of the new guys walks in (not the feet on my desk guy). He gives me the 'hey whats up' headnod and I respond with the 'I am aware of your presence' headnod and I return to my paper. New Guy then procedes to sit down beside me. Not just at the same table, but right fucking beside me. I'm talking about, I could've elbowed him in the face without getting up, close sitting (or "dropping 'bows" like the kids say*). Now I'm thinking that this guy is feeling kinda lonely as the newbie on the staff and he wants to make friends or something. I ask him "Hows it going?", y'know being sympathetic to his feelings of 'newness' and all. What does the motherfucker do? He mumbles something to himself (me?), pulls out his cell phone and then makes a call to his significant other and then proceeds to have a long and LOUD conversation. Right fucking beside me!! Fuck! What is wrong in the brain of this guy?? So now I've got two assclowns that need to be fired on my list. Plus, y'know what he was talking about? Buying vegetarian meals!! Fuck me in the ear thats an awful conversation to listen to half of.

*Do the kids still say that? 'Cause they should

i want candy!

2006-10-31T19:19:00.000-05:00

boo

United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama...

2006-10-28T02:35:00.002-04:00

Not only is this a great video but it's also one of the most played songs on my iPod. Yeah I'm awesome like that. Enjoy.

Like Prison Break...but not at all

2006-10-26T23:36:00.000-04:00

One of the perks of my new job is that I get to wear a lab coat. If you wear a lab coat and walk around quickly enough then it's almost like a superhero's cape. So basically I fight crime and injustice all day. The other day I'm walking around work, in my lab coat, and this guy comes up to me and says "Excuse me, do you work here?" Why else would I have the lab coat on? I wanted to tell the guy that I had stolen it and that I was planning a break out, and that if he kept his wits about him that he could join me on my quest. But instead I just giggled internally and said "Yes, yes I do work here." I can't even remember what the guy wanted now, all I can remember is his awesome powers of deduction.

Of all the desks, in all the world...

2006-10-24T18:29:00.000-04:00

So I'm 'The New Guy' at work now, and thats all fine and dandy (like sour candy). Most of my coworkers are cool and I don't have any problems with them. But there is this one guy. He has actually been there a shorter time then me (by about 5 days), which makes me the second newest employee. Anyway to make a short story even shorter, I walk into 'my office' and this motherfucker is sitting in my chair! With his feet up on my desk! Just like that picture too, with the hands behind the head and everything. So when he sees me come in he mutters some shit and heads out. Then I catch him in there again like an hour later! That would be like if I walked into your house and punched you in the face and then broke your DVD player. Don't look at me with that skeptical look, that's exactly what it's like. So now I'm semi-activly trying to get him fired. Wish me luck!

Would you read something I wrote?

2006-10-22T23:35:00.000-04:00

So I was over at Miles From Fenway and I've learned that November is NaNoWriMo (Kinda like BiMonSciFiCon, but not at all). Oddly enough, I'm considering it. Writing a novel is one of those ideas I've had kicking around in my head for a couple years now, but I've always used being in school as an excuse. Well I'm not in school right now so I don't have the excuse. Now I know what you're probably thinking. This motherfucker can't even write a decent blog, and now he thinks he's gonna be the next Tom Clancy? Fuck that. Or you might have thought that without the swearing (but I doubt it). Anyway, I don't really expect myself to punch out 50,000 words in a month, and if by some miracle I do, I really don't expect it to be good (Hell if someone can read the first 3 pages and put it down without swearing I'll declare victory), but it'll give me something to do besides smoking crack*. And now that I've posted about it, it becomes semi-official. Therefore the deadline becomes more 'real', and if you know anything about me you probably know that I eat deadlines for breakfast. On a related note I also cross the word "Cheerios" off on my cereal boxes and scribble "Deadlines" in, so thats something to think about too.

Now all I need are some characters and a plot. I figure once I've got that covered the book oughta write itself right? Right.

*You smoke crack right? Man, I really need a refresher course in drug usage.

What do all these people have in common?

2006-10-16T18:08:00.000-04:00

Mario Lemieux

Mase

Roger Clemens

Michael Jordan

and now...

Jay-Z

Not that we didn't all see this coming or anything.

Doorbells should have snooze buttons.

2006-10-16T11:33:00.000-04:00

So I've started this new job and the hours are wacking out my sleep paterns. Today however I wasn't working and the only thing on my 'To Do' list was "sleep in hardcore". Then the doorbell starts ringing. Who the hell has the nerve to ring my doorbell at 10 in the morning?! Thats my first thought. *Ding-dong* Who the fuck rings it twice!!?? Now I'm almost angry enough to get up and see who it is. Almost. *Ding-dong* Okay, now I kinda feel like a dick for not answering it earlier, because anyone who would ring the doorbell 3 times either (a) knows I'm home and needs me to come to the door, like a family member that forgot their keys for example, or (b) has some kind of emergency. Right? Those are the only logical reasons for ringing more then twice. The first ring is standard, the second 'courtesy ring' is in case the person in the house didn't hear the first one, or thought they might've heard something but wasn't sure. That third ring though, that third ring is for when there is a fire-breathing dragon chasing you down the street and you need to seek refuge.

Speaking of fire-breathing dragons...I open the door. Now I'm standing there in a housecoat, looking about one level better then a zombie and the first line out of this woman's mouth is "Oh, did I wake you?". Are you serious? It's not like my house is so big that it took this long for me to just walk to the front door. Now if anyone is reading this who isn't from the Toronto area you should know that we have an election coming up and some of the candidates have been going door to door talking shit and trying to secure votes (If you are from the Toronto area and didn't know about the election then shame on you). Thats who I assumed this woman was. Wrong again.

She hands me this flyer, which I'm expecting to say something like "Vote for Me, I'd vote for you!" and then a bunch of reasons why she should be my representative in office. Not even close. How's this for a headline "The End of False Religion is Near!". Yeah, thats what I got out of bed for. Oh and I just checked, it wasn't a fire-breathing dragon in the flyer. It was a seven-headed leopard/jaguar hybrid.

When I get around to actually reading this flyer you'll be sure to hear about it. From the pictures it looks pretty fucking entertaining.

A cancelled show, a new show and a nuclear test, oh my!

2006-10-11T19:45:00.000-04:00

Hey remember that show Smith with Ray Liotta that I told you to watch? Yeah well I guess no one listened to me because its already been cancelled. 3 episodes in and CBS pulled the plug because only 8.5 million people were watching. 8.5 MILLION!! So they're replacing it with reruns of CSI and some other show I've never heard of/watched. Fucking jerks.

Thankfully I've found a great new show. Rent-a-Goalie on Showcase! Thats right, showcase is good for more then just softcore pornography. Its a half hour comedy about a guy running a rental goalie service (in case you hadn't figured that out from the title). Of course if you don't find grown men calling each other 'Ass munchers' and 'Gaylords' amusing then this might not be the show for you. Oh and did I meantion that they're calling each other these things in Irish accents? Yeah you're sold now. (Woka woka woka woka)

On a non-television note North Korea tested a nuclear weapon and most of the world freaked out. All of the UN nations smack talked this move and pretty much every country on the planet agrees (at least every country that I've heard say anything). Now I'm not saying that North Korea is right in developing nuclear weapons. My issue is with the countries that already have nuclear weapons being pissed at North Korea. Take the States and Russia for example, where did their nukes come from? The States didn't just whip up the technology and drop it on Japan. What did they do first? They fucking tested it! How can you condemn another nation for doing the same thing that you did? All the non-nuclear countries can say whatever they want, but the ones with nukes really need to just step back on this one. Otherwise the impact of the outrage is lessened. At least thats how I see it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-10-08T09:38:00.000-04:00

Leafs vs. Sens

2006-10-04T19:06:00.000-04:00

Pregame:

This is awesome. Hockey is back and James Duthie on TSN couldn't get through his opening line without garbling it up. "The Leafs always win in the playoffs (when they make it), and the Sens take games in the seas- er..reglum...ahh, regular season." He had all summer to work on that one. For shame.

God, Tie Domi is an ugly man. His first line was about as good as Duthie's. "The Leafs need to go out there an win, they can't afford to beat themselves, no one wants to beat themselves". Does that count as its own masturbation joke or do you want to insert one here? Haha 'insert one here', damn this is a filthy pre-show.

"Gotta shoot the puck to score goals". Check. Thanks Tie. I guess Mike Knuble never heard that one. Fuckin Knuble is cashing cheques off of 'goals' other players bank off of him.

Molson Canadian just aired the same commercial they used when the lockout ended. Y'know the one with the guys all singing in front of the TV? Speaking of people that had all summer to come up with something. I hereby declare that I will not drink another Molson beverage until they air a new hockey themed commercial.

Now they're unvailing the Stanley Cup banner in Carolina. But they started with the Conference Champions banner. Wouldn't it be assumed that you won the conference if you got the Cup? Only the losers should have Conference Champion banner raisings. And to think I called Glen Wesley stupid for leaving Toronto to head back to the 'Canes. I bet Jeff O'neill wishes he never left either.

There's a bunch of bagpipers on the ice right now...I think I'll go find something to eat, this game might not start for a while.

Okay I'm back, and while I was eating I heard Tie Domi say that Alfredson looks like 'Bozo The Clown'...about 20 minutes after I said almost the same thing. Damnit, Tie Domi agreed with me. I feel kinda sick and dirty.

Players to watch this game: Sundin, Raycroft, McCabe and Patrick Eaves. Why? Because I drafted them in at least one of my pools.

1st Period

Wait. What the fuck is going on here? Where are Bob Cole and Harry Neale? I can't do a liveblog with Pierre 'MONSTER' McGuire jabbering on all night. This sucks.

TSN has decided to go with the scoring 'bar' across the top of the screen instead of the old school 'box'. This decision I like.

Turns out that I can't do two things at once, like type and watch the game for example. Not much has happened anyway. Wellwood is playing on the top line with Mats Sundin and Alexi Ponakarovski, who is like the the hockey player version of Nik Antropov.

Toronto powerplay! If Paul Maurice has an actual powerplay unit then hes already worth replacing Pat Quinn. The top powerplay unit looks solid, but the B team has given up some shorthanded chances.

Belak took a penalty? I'm shocked. Not that he took one, just that it took him over 18 minutes to get it. What a bum. And no, thats not a homoerotic compliment.

Anyone else think that Paul Maruice looks like Paul Walker and Matt Damon had a love child? And that love child somehow ended up older then both the parents. Okay maybe Maurice looks more like their father...but then I'd have to think up a mother and I already spent half the period figuring out who Maurice looked like so fuck that.

Patrick Eaves scores a powerplay goal. 1-0 Sens. Thats why I took Eaves in the last round of one of my pools.

Intermission

James Duthie just said "If you picked up Patrick Eaves late in your pool, you're looking pretty smart right now." I'm not sure if he was talking specifically to me, but I'm kinda freaked out right now. I think TSN might have one of those key stroke thingamajiggers on my computer. Thats the only explanation right?

2nd Period

Pierre McGuire just confirmed that Jeff O'neill does still have his hands. Just so you know.

Chris Neil just scored...if you have Chris Neil in your pool then.... Well I guess thats cool. 2-0 Sens.

Sundin looks hurt. Thankfully Prime Minister Harper is there to show remorse. Maybe not remorse...sympathy might be a better word. Who can tell with his cold dead eyes anyway.

Sundin...SCORES!! Scores? on a penalty shot. Uh oh, they're going up stairs...and GOAL! The puck got through Gerber's pads, but because it was rolling so slowly the ref signaled no goal, then the puck crossed the line. Silly ref, you know you can wait til the play is over to make your signal right?

Alright I'm outta here. Enjoy the rest of the game. (or LOST or both!)

Sometimes I hate the baseball playoffs...

2006-10-04T15:21:00.000-04:00

House is in repeats until the baseball playoffs are over. Strike one.

I'm watching the Twins play the A's and yet every other conversation seems to come back to how glorious Derek Jeter is. Strike two.

Justin Morneau's last name is pronounced "more-no" not "more-new" or "more-nyeow". Hit by pitch.

Mark Kotsay just hit an inside the park homer. Motherfuck.

In better news, LOST and the NHL both start up again tonight. Woo! I think I'm gonna tape LOST and liveblog the Leafs/Sens game. Why? Cause I'm awesome like that.

Also if you're bored out of your skull like me, check this out. I don't want to call it a game, but its the most fun you can have on the internet today without seeing nudity or a moose.

Where's My Remote Con-trooool?

2006-09-29T13:19:00.000-04:00

Remember that Age of Electric song? Damn, they sure don't make the hits like they used to. What? That was totally a hit! It was on a Big Shiny Tunes CD and everything. If that doesn't equal an auto-hit then I don't know what does. Don't worry, I'm not here today to talk about the top 15 reasons why Age of Electric should be in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame. Actually I just wanted a post title that had something to do with television because I'm gonna give you my quick reviews of a number of shows this TV season. Then that line popped into my head and I couldn't think of who the band was that played it. A quick Google search later and I had my answer, and now that I've talked about it for so long I'm thinking of just changing this post to some random mutterings and other such junk and see if anyone makes it to the end. You know how much harder it is to ramble on about nothing when you're activly thinking about doing it? Not that hard actually, but I think I'm done anyway. So onto Mike's Two Thumb Endorsed TV Guide:

Sunday:

The Amazing Race 10: If you liked it before you'll like it now. It's pretty much that simple, nothing has changed other then the teams and the destinations. And the teams are so generic and stereotypical that they might as well have gone with ones from seasons past. Okay get out your reality show checklist and lets run through them real quick. Father/Daughter team? check. Openly gay couple? check. "Hot" chicks? Double check, we've got the beauty queens AND cheerleaders this time around. The couple using this show as a test of their relationship a.k.a. Team Verbal Assult? microphone check. Recovering drug addict male models? Checkmate, they're my favorite because when either of them is being intervied the other one is making Zoolander faces.

Studio 60 (On the Sunset Strip): I think this one is my favorite new show this season, and that's saying a lot because there are a ton of great new shows. It's got the style of the West Wing set in the behind the scenes environment of a TV show. It's a TV show about a TV show, and I love TV shows! It's like a match made in heaven or something. Plus it's got Amanda Peet in it, and who is going to argue with that?

Monday:

Prison Break: I didn't watch the first season so this is like a new show to me. It's not bad, but you kinda have to turn your mind of and try to ignore some of the rediculous logic that these criminal 'masterminds' use. Apparently the first season was way better though according to the experts.

Smith: Another show about con artists. Hopefully this one has better luck then the ones that came before it. I love it like I loved the other ones though becauase there really isn't much better storytelling then in a con story (except for doctors with canes, but thats for tuesday). Oh and Ray Liotta is the lead actor. Hooked yet? You should be.

Heroes: It's like X-Men:The Series. Or at least thats what I'm hoping for out of it. The premiere wasn't that great overall, but it did a good job of introducing a large number of characters and setting the groundwork for what I hope turns into a really good series.

Tuesday:

House: If I haven't convinced you to watch House before today then there isn't much more I can say. If you're already watching it then you know why it's the best show on television.

Rescue Me: This show couldn't go in more rediculous directions all at once if you put the cast on a mysterious island with a smoke monster. Seriously, it's twisted. Yet while you're watching the show it doesn't seem so odd.

Wednesday:

Kidnapped: This show is pretty much the only good thing about wednesday nights (at least until LOST starts next week), and I was slighty iffy about watching it because I didn't think I liked Jeremy Sisto. But the show has Delroy Lindo who I love so I tuned in. Turns out that I don't hate Jeremy Sisto at all, he's actually really good in this show. Plus Delroy Lindo dominates much like I expected him to (He was the cop in Gone in 60 Seconds for those of you who haven't IMDB'd him yet).

Thursday:

Survivor - Racist Edition: The segregated tribes actually only lasted two weeks before they mixed them all up. I've only half followed this season so far because My Name Is Earl is on at the same time, and neither of those shows are worth taping so I just flip channels.

My Name Is Earl: Hands down the best sitcom on TV. Plus almost every episode has an awesome whitetrash soundtrack.

Grey's Anatomy: I haven't actually watched the first two episodes of this season yet (they're on tape, I'll get to it eventually). So I don't know if it's gotten any better or worse. The only thing I can really say at this point is that I was more excited having it on sunday nights.

CSI: I kinda gave up on this show last season, but I started watching it this time around thinking that they had to pull out some impressive stuff if they wanted to hold on to the ratings title with Grey's moving to thursdays. So far I'm impressed, it's been pretty intense and the cases have been interesting.

ER: The show started to slow down last season, but then they brought out the defibrulators and...Clear! *ZAP*...shocked some life back into the show with a pretty intense season finale. Much like they've done every season ER carried the intensity from the finale into the next season. I don't imagine they can keep it up but who knows, maybe George Clooney can come back. They didn't kill him off right?

Friday:

Fridays blow.

Saturday:

Saturdays kinda blow right now too. Smith and Kidnapped both have their repeats on so if you miss them during the week you can get caught up. Hockey season starts on wednesday so Hockey Night in Canada will be back next saturday, and thats all you really need. Oh and SNL's premiere is this weekend minus 5 or so people from last year. As always though watching SNL is fully dependant on who is playing in the second game of CBC's doubleheader.

Back in Black!

2006-09-26T22:22:00.000-04:00

Heelllooooo internet! Man it feels good to be back here. First of all let me just say that Staples rocks. I've got my computer back and in working order, plus it was all covered under the extended waranty. They didn't try to screw me once! I should have taken it in way sooner.

I was going to write up a "what I did on my summer vacation" post to let you know what all you missed out on while I was gone. But then I realized it would be super boring so I'm gonna leave it all mysterious. Kinda like Dave Chappelle disapearing, except I didn't have bank trucks dropping off loads of cash at my house. Of course Chappelle didn't come back, so maybe it's nothing like that.

So now that I'm back, how've you been doing? Are you watching all these crazy new shows this season? I dunno how I'm gonna keep it up, maybe it's time to invest in a TiVo. That might just make it worse though.

Quick Update

2006-09-19T19:21:00.000-04:00

i'm kicking ass in my football pools. ok i lie. i'm 2-0 in one head to head league and 1-0 in the other. much better then the last place i'm in for all my baseball pools. baseball pools are just too labour intensive. actually not really i'm just too lazy to check em everyday.

back to days at work. i kinda miss working nights. it was much easier. no hassles. but apparently quite a few people on days missed me :P so its not all that bad.

also back to school. my classes seem ok so far, but of course that means nothing. french and linear algebra are pretty much my last two hurdles i have to pass to finally graduate, althou it probably won't be till after the summer.

i'll probably post more alittle later when i need a break from homework... but right now gonna get ready for House...

Slackers...

2006-09-07T21:19:00.000-04:00

I finally got my computer into the shop today, so hopefully in a week to ten days it will all be fixed and things can return to normal around here. That is of course assuming everything goes according to plan.

P.S. Hockey Pools!! Woo!!

Summer starts....

2006-08-18T09:19:00.000-04:00

so i've got one more week of working nights :)other than that nothing new really. going out for dennis' bday before work tonight. no clue whats happening this weekend.

oh, i've finally discovered ebay.... not a good thing.

This time out is brought to you by...

2006-08-06T10:00:00.000-04:00

ok so this post has nothing to do with the title, but I've been staring at this page for the last week and it just isn't being updated with new useless stuff. I know i'm not one to talk seeing as my page gets updated less than 6 times a year but I feel that I should come to the rescue of the Bacon Strips and post up some useless crap.

Item #1 - Birthday Calculator
Have you ever been curious as to which famous people share the same birthday as you? How old you currently are in days, months, years, as well as minutes and even seconds? Are you curious as to the day of your conception? NO? then just go click on someone else's blog cause that's all I got. If you are curious then this link is for you!

Item #2 - YouTube
Now who doesn't like YouTube there is so much useless crap on that site that will waste hours and hours in a day. Here is just a quick clip of people making a Mortal Kombat video for the catchy theme song.

Item #3 - Southern Driver's Application
Yes yes the jokes keep coming we can't all be as funny as another author of this site, but this is the best that I can do.

Ok now that I've left you mildly entertained... or just annoyed at me wasting your time. I bid you adieu for another... 3 months is it? yeah something like that.

Cheers!

teh oh noes

2006-07-28T12:42:00.000-04:00

yeah so i just came back from futureshop with this:

already burned laguna beach season 2 to dvd.... damn you jona!

"... good cuz the subway's right there."

2006-07-15T08:26:00.000-04:00

ok here's the olympic island pics finally

"...and thats why the cookies are on the top shelf."

2006-07-14T11:15:00.000-04:00

yeah ok i didn't post cuz i've got nothing to post about. i wake up at 8pm, go to work for 10pm, work till 6:30 come home and sleep till 8. exciting eh.
since i've got nothing interesting to post i'm gonna post a list of some of the music i get the pleasure of listening to every night courteously provided by the head offices in atlanta

cruel summer - ace of base
everything i need - vanessa carlton*
breathe your name - sixpense none the richer*
i'm just a girl - no doubt
hung up - madonna
the way - fastball
wonderwall - oasis
the scientist - coldplay
fathers eyes - eric clapton
buddy holly - weezer

*complete guesses

yeah, see. i'm boring.

"...and that was the second time I got crabs."

2006-07-13T22:53:00.000-04:00

Hey, remember how you used to come here semi-regularily and there would be a new post to help you kill time? Man I miss those days. I kinda had hoped that with 3 authors on this page that I could take off for a while and come back to see more then just my crap 'peace out' message from three weeks ago. But apparently I wasn't the only one with a broken computer and/or 'real' shit to do. There were some things that happened over the last few weeks that I'm sure I would have come here to talk about had I been able to, but now I'm just going to reduce them all to quick judgements by my opposable digits.

Raptors trade for TJ Ford: Thumbs Up

New Superman movie: Thumbs Down

Gerry Dee and the other comics live at Yuk Yuk's: Thumbs Up

Neglecting to repost last year's Canada Day picture: Thumbs Down

Cottage Weekend: Thumbs Up

AJ Burnett's pitching in the game we went to: Thumbs Down

My new reading material from Chapter's: Thumbs Up

Still haven't been golfing this summer: Thumbs Down

Aubrey Huff is an Astro: Thumbs Up

Italy wins World Cup: Thumbs Down

Zidane headbutt: Thumbs Up

Only one person played the car chase game below: Thumbs Down

The best all-around player to ever play in the NHL retires: Thumbs Up

The Red Wings are in talks to aquire either Belfour or Hasek: Thumbs WAY Down

The site is now updated: Thumbs Up

Grrrrrrrrr

2006-06-21T20:48:00.000-04:00

My computer is mangled...I'm not gonna be around here for a while...try not to wreck the place.

Top 5 before Game 7

2006-06-19T14:10:00.000-04:00

This top 5 list has nothing to do with hockey, other then the fact that I'm using it to kill time before the game starts tonight. So not only is this going to be a top 5 list, I'm also making it into a game. Fun for the whole family! I'm looking at the top 5 vehicular chase scenes in movies. However, instead of just listing them I'm only going to give you a picture from each scene, so it's up to you to identify them. Sounds like a fun time right? Right! So lets just get right to it with number 5:

The Transporter

4.

The Rock

3.

The Great Escape

2.

The Bourne Identity

1.

Ronin

How come most of the best chases happen in Europe? Just something to think about until the game starts. If Edmonton wins then at least I can say the Wings lost to the Champs. Go Oilers!

So close, yet so very far...

2006-06-19T09:51:00.000-04:00

Right now I have 4 goals in my fantasy sports seasons:

1. Finish in the top 50 for a single golf tournament
2. Finish in the top 5% of the World Cup pool
3. Sweep a week in any baseball pool
4. Organize what will be the greatest hockey pool of all-time for next season

I was almost able to cross #3 off the list. Damn you Steve! Damn you and your Sunday Night Homerun-a-thon!

I didn't forget...I just got lazy

2006-06-18T23:41:00.000-04:00

4 matchups remain. Vote or die!

Just something to keep you going til Monday night's game

2006-06-18T13:45:00.000-04:00

"Okay, no fivehole, no fivehole, no fivehole...oops forgot about glove side"

2006-06-16T18:00:00.000-04:00

Speaking of rap videos... have you seen Gabrielle Union in the new Busta Rhymes video? So hot right now. Gabrielle Union.

I finished that Fantasyland book this morning. I would like to recomend it because I really enjoyed it, but I don't think anyone that visits here would feel the same. You've either got to be a big time fantasy baseball player, or a hardcore baseball fan to get the full value out of the book. If names like Rocco Baldelli, Randy Winn and Tim Salmon mean nothing to you, this book is probably a good one to skip. However if your heartrate jumps up a couple beats when talk turns to a 5x5 Roto, you might want to look into scooping up this book. Overall I give it two thumbs up, but it's definitly not for everyone.

So, uh, I don't want to curse it or anything, but so far in this World Cup my team has been pretty dominant. In Yahoo's "North, Central American and Caribbean Zone" I was in 419th place. Okay so that sounds pretty shitty, but it's good enough to have me in the 98th percentile, and considering that I don't know half (three quarters?) of my team I am quite happy. Alright, that really makes me more lucky then good, but isn't that the kind of guy that always wins these pools?

The Way I Be Leanin'

2006-06-14T18:36:00.000-04:00

Have you heard this new song by Juvenile et al.? I've listened to it a few times and there was one line that had me slightly confused. Y'see I thought it was "My rims be talkin too, they love the suduko". I assumed that because it was a rap song 'suduko' had to be some kind of new slang for either spinning rims or narcotics. I just couldn't figure out how the number logic puzzle game got into the realm of rap jargon. Then today I took my iPod to work so that I wouldn't go totally crazy and I listened to the song a couple times. Maybe it was because my focus was altered, or maybe I'm just a clown but I realized what the line is actually supposed to be, and it's not nearly as fun.

My rims be talkin' too, they love to seduce hos

Fuck Last Comic Standing!

2006-06-13T22:21:00.000-04:00

I'm angry and I'm going to bed.

Odds and Ends

2006-06-10T12:04:00.000-04:00

I figured I would be posting a lot more frequently this summer, but after work I'm just so tired and lazy that nothing gets posted. I've even cracked open blogger a couple times with the intention of writing something up and then I think a nap is a better idea. Or I just fall asleep without even planning it. So today I'm just gonna punch out as many things as I think I remember wanting to post about over the last week or so. This isn't going to be pretty, but it might be long. So feel free to read a bullet point per day and maybe I'll have something new up before you get to the end.

Does anyone know the origin of the word 'odd'? Were things that are strange called odd before numbers were even and odd? What is so odd about every other number anyway? How many question marks can I fit into this bullet point? If numbers were even and odd before strange things were odd who decided that odd was the right word to use? After reading the word 'odd' this many times in one paragraph does it even seem like a real word anymore? Isn't that odd?

All you guys that didn't join the World Cup pool are missing out. Unless of course you were soccer fans before. Then it won't have the same effect, but this pool has made me even more interested in these games. Since I don't actually know who half of the guys on my team are it makes watching the games more fun, because now I have someone to yell at. If it wasn't for this pool would I care that Zlatan Ibrahimovic just missed scoring a goal? Of course not. But since I've got him in my pool I just yelled a string of obscenities at the television. That my friends is what sports are all about.

I went to Chapters yesterday, and in addition to picking up a few of John Sandford's 'Prey' books I also grabbed Fantasyland by Sam Walker. I hadn't heard about it before, but it's all about the insanity that is fantasy sports. So y'know, it's the perfect book for me. Plus I bought Deception Point by Dan Brown a couple of days ago so I should be covered for decent reading material for a while.

Is all the flopping and diving in soccer just 'a part of the game', or do real soccer fans find it as rediculous as I do?

Seriously, who is in charge of Mr. Sub's marketing department? Their commercials are past the point of just being bad. They don't even make sense in any logical mindset. If their idea was to just throw the most rediculous idea they had on television to get people talking about it and get the old word of mouth thing going I guess it's kind of working. Unfortunatly they must've forgotten that Mr. Sub tastes like rotten ass so no one is going to be intrigued enough to actually eat their food.

Now I'll leave you with a top 5 of sorts. In no particular order, here are the 5 funniest musically themed videos I can find on YouTube:

Rollin' With Saget
Hooked On A Feeling
Evolution of Dance
Secret Agent Man

Okay so it turns out I only had four of them. Mad? Go play this game then.

So dark the con of man

2006-06-04T11:43:00.000-04:00

I know the new Chamillionaire song is brutal (is there an 'old' Chamillionaire song?). But I love it. It kinda reminds me of when 50 Cent came out with Wanksta. That's another really bad song, but I love it just the same. They're like the Exit Wounds of music.

My work had an employee appreciation day on friday in Toronto. We got $50, all the BBQ we could eat and played some ultimate frisbee, touch football, soccer, basketball and tug of war. It was all fun and games at the time, but oh man I was hurting the next day. I haven't run around like a fool that much since...ummm...a long damned time ago. Then there was a poker tournament at night, but I didn't stick around for it cause I had to get back to Guelph for...

The Da Vinci Code. I won't give away any plot points of the movie or the book so if you haven't seen or read either it's safe to continue. Overall I liked the movie. The stuff they took from the book translated well onto the screen. But like all movies based on a book, the book is way better. Everything that got cut I assume was done for time constraints but it also changes the flow of the story which kinda takes away from the overall adventure that the book brings out. Tom Hanks was okay in the staring role, somehow I pictured Robert Langdon to be both scruffier and nerdier then the way it was played though. But don't ask me to explain that further cause I really don't even know what I'm talking about. Oh and the very ending of the movie made me mad, but I won't write about it here so e-mail me or hit MSN if you wanna bitch about it too.

Before The Code started I got to see a preview for Casino Royale. I still don't know how I feel about Daniel Craig, but if the preview is any indication, I won't care. Hot women and stuff blowing up, that's what James Bond is all about.

The World Cup of soccer starts on friday (I think) and I'm actually starting to get kind of excited about it. Plus yahoo has a pool so at least I'll be following it. Since there are only 2 of us in my golf pool I didn't bother making a soccer one, but if anyone is interested we could throw one together quickly enough.

I am not a weather man

2006-05-31T20:53:00.000-04:00

So apparently the storm was just suckering me into coming outside so it could soak my ass. I got about 10 paces out the door before it started raining again, and it just got stronger and stronger. I was one soggy motherfucker wandering the grocery store. But I got my chips! So I guess it was worth it.

Shits and Giggles

2006-05-31T18:08:00.000-04:00

It's thunderstorming like a mad-man right now, and I've got a movie I want to watch. But I don't want to turn on my TV in case we get a power surge and it blows up, cause I would be a furious little child if my TV went away (not that there is much good television right now). Thats not the only problem though, I also want a bag of chips to eat while I enjoy this movie but there are none to be found in the house (not even any popcorn), and I will be damned if I go outside in this insane storm. If I'm going outside for anything it's going to be to help the crazy bearded dude build his ark. Haha shit, I wish I could remember where I stole that joke from.

Speaking of stealing jokes, did anyone watch Last Comic Standing last night? Overall I give it two thumbs up. But man I hate it when the comics tell jokes that I've heard before. It's way less funny when you know the punchline. I've got a few favorites already though. As long as a couple of them make it into the final grouping in the house I'll be pretty happy.
If you're in the mood for a few giggles you can check out the 100 Funniest Jokes of All-time.

I had a couple other things to ramble about, but the rain appears to be letting up so I'm gonna bust a move over to the chip asile at the local grocery store. Wish me luck!

I'm not dead...

2006-05-30T22:40:00.000-04:00

I'm just melting. I'll try to get a half decent post up in here by the end of the week. I wouldn't hold my breath or anything though, thats just dumb.

This is not a post

2006-05-19T15:54:00.000-04:00

I'm in Toronto for the weekend. Poker on saturday. Holla if you hear me. Happy May Two Four! Peace out.

Monkey See, Monkey Do?

2006-05-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

Okay first of all that's not a very appropriate title. I thought about going with something like "Monkeylocks and the three bears", but thats not much better. Second of all I knew this would happen. Well not this in particular. Be warned however, that link contains a potentially disturbing photo of a bear eating a monkey. But I knew that when I forced out that Top 5 post below that something would come along that I actually felt like talking about instead of a crap post just to fill space. So feel free to skip the post below, but be sure to check out the 10 Things I Hate Abount Comandments video, because thats just funny (no doubt).

Anyway, back to the monkey-eating bears. So there is a zoo in Amsterdam that keeps monkeys and bears in the same enclosure. One thing leads to another and now the zoo has one less monkey and three bears can probably afford to skip their next meal. That link goes to a pretty short MSNBC article, and yet in just a few short words there were many things that amused me:

First four words of the article "Bears killed and devoured...". Could you devour something without killing it? If you could that would be pretty fucking sick. I'm using 'sick' in that case in the literal form, not meaning 'cool' like how the kids say.

They describe it as a "grisly scene". Bears. Grisly. Grizzly Bears! The fact that the story involves sloth bears has no effect on my amusement level.

I knew there were sloths. I knew there were bears. I did not know there were sloth bears. Cool!

There were three bears. Straight out of the fairy tales. This is what happens when the porridge is too cold.

Someone from the zoo was quoted as saying "The habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another...". Almost.

More 5's then Bagwell and Lidstrom combined

2006-05-16T09:12:00.000-04:00

So I've ended up with the day off, and in addition to my full schedule of washing socks, playing MVP Baseball and watching House tonight I thought I'd drop a few musically themed Top 5's.

Lets get ~~retarded~~ it started with the Top 5 Remixes (haha haha DJ clue clue!)

5. You're a Mean One - Busta Rhymes and Jim Carrey
"When the Grinch come around you gotta safeguard your things, you betta safeguard your money and safeguard your bling."

4. Whoa! - Black Rob, Rah Digga, Lil' Cease, G-Dep, Da Brat, Beanie Sigel, P. Diddy, Shyne, Petey Pablo and the Madd Rapper.
"LOX left and Mase retired like whoa. So I threw the label on my back like whoa."

3. Made You Look - Jadakiss, Nas and Ludacris
"I'm just a victim of society, it's Cris the menace. With more shit out on the streets then evicted tennents"

2. The Gambler - Kenny Rogers, Wyclef Jean and Pharoae Monch
"You better count your duckets, before you touch the turntable. Cause if you run out of big tunes, that means your sound is done"

1. Special Delivery - Ghostface Killah, G-Dep, Keith Murray and Craig Mack
"'Yo Murray what the deal?'Yeah I'm gutter. What I utter got you timid, hesitating like a stutter."

Moving right along, we're into the Top 5 worst karaoke songs:

5. Iz They Wildin Us & Gettin Rowdy Wit Us? - Busta Rhymes and Mystical
4. One Week - Barenaked Ladies
3. Roxanne - The Police
2. Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses
1. Black Betty - Ram Jam

Or maybe those would be the best 5 depending how you look at the karaoke experience.
Now lets end this thing before anyone gets hurt with the Top 5 best opening lines in rap:

5. "Aww shit, y'all done fucked up and let me in this bitch."
4. "Okay, I'm going to attempt to drown myself, you can try this at home, you can be just like me."
3. "One, two, three into the four, Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre is at the door."
2. "Woke up in the morning like 10 AM, walked past the Listerine went straight for the gin."
1. "I got permission to put yo' momma in a headlock."
You had to know that would be #1.

With Samuel L. Jackson as Principal Firebush

2006-05-15T19:30:00.000-04:00

On a totally unrelated note, can someone please explain to me the purpose of bathrooms with two separate sinks?

Who wants in?

2006-05-11T22:08:00.000-04:00

The following is taken from Bill Simmons' latest article, which you can read in full here:

"Some junkies are ahead of the curve. Take Matthew Berry, who runs "The Talented Mr. Roto" Web site. He belongs to a movie league. Berry and his friends bid on any film that is scheduled to be released over the course of a year, their stats coming in categories like most weeks spent in the top-five grosses, total box office and Oscar nominations. According to Berry, someone spent nearly half his cap ($260) on "The Da Vinci Code" in February. Wow. When he griped to me that one of his big sleepers, "Akeelah and the Bee," opened poorly, I was hooked. Yes, I need to belong to a fantasy movie league, if only so I can spend $45 on "Snakes on a Plane" and taunt someone because he overpaid for Vin Diesel's next movie. This sounds fun. This sounds dangerous, potentially life-threatening. This sounds like something for me."

Motherfucker! Why didn't we think of this first?! So who wants in on a movie pool? We can work out the details once we've got some people interested. I am excited for this shit.

My birthday is in less then 4 months...

2006-05-10T17:21:00.000-04:00

Need some hints on what to get the guy who has nothing? It's your one stop shop, and I'm not kidding. If someone gets me that, you're automatic bestman at my wedding and I'll name my first child after you*, regardless of its sex.

I also forgot yesterday about a couple more features the awesome house had. A pool table and a poker room. Yeah, a whole fucking room for nothing but poker. I guess you could have sex parties in there too, but then the sex party room wouldn't get used as much.

*Offer subject to change without notice or reason.

Raise a little hell

2006-05-09T17:32:00.000-04:00

I got a summer job (that's good), but it's cleaning windows (that's bad). At least I get to work outside a lot (that's good), but now I'm definitly going to get skin cancer (that's bad).

I cleaned windows in the awesomest home ever today. The actual window cleaning sucked balls, and I don't want to get into right now cause I'm still mad about it. But let me tell you about this house. I'm talking like when I win the lottery I'm going back to this house so I can copy it. Hottub? Check. Monster 6 burner BBQ? Check. Fully stocked bar? Double Check! Huge flat-screen TV mounted above the fireplace? Oh hell yeah. TVs in every other room? Yup. Kick-ass sound system wired throughout the house? You'd better believe it. Humsclade with massive chrome rims? I thought I was in a rap video. Oh yeah, there was a half-pipe in the backyard too, but I didn't really care about it much.

While we were at this house the owner had the sound system cranked, pumping out the oldies which was pretty cool. Go download Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin and Raise a Little Hell by Trooper. Can you listen to either of those songs without tapping your foot or getting a good head-bob going? Of course not, its a natural reaction. Even if you're up on a ladder cleaning 2nd storey windows. Seriously, I almost died today because of Raise a Little Hell and my inability to control my reaction to it.

I tried to remember all the dominant songs that were played so I could add them to my collection tonight, but I only remember a couple now. So hit the comments and leave your favorite old school tunes behind.

Promiscuous Girl has been named 2006's Official Summer Jam. Have you seen this video yet? Holy shit, when did Timbo get so ripped? I know Nelly Furtado is pretty tiny, but damn, she could fit in one of Timbaland's arms, with room left over for Timberlake. Maybe carrying Magoo around for years is the ultimate workout.

Qwik Picks

2006-05-04T14:16:00.000-04:00

The highest seed in the 2nd round of the Western Conference playoffs is the 5th ranked San Jose Sharks. Thats rediculous, every single top seeded team got knocked out. I'm gonna make this quick because my battery is going to die and I'm way to busy* to be bothered getting the power cord.

San Jose vs. Edmonton: If you're gonna get knocked out in the first round, you'd better hope it was by the champs. Go Edmonton!

Anaheim vs. Colorado: Looks like a lot of people were wrong about Theodore. I'm taking Colorado in 5.

Ottawa vs. Buffalo: The Sabres can give Ottawa what the Lightning didn't...a challenge. I'm predicting a Buffalo/Edmonton Cup final.

Carolina vs. New Jersey: Cam Ward did what I expected Gerber to do, but the Devils are a lot different than the Canadians. I think Jersey is winning this one and winning it fast.

*I have movies that arn't going to watch themselves

Introducing the newest member...

2006-04-30T01:35:00.000-04:00

Seriously, who is gonna fuck with these guys?

Next Round

2006-04-29T18:38:00.000-04:00

You know the drill by now.

Quick and painless

2006-04-29T01:37:00.000-04:00

I don't have time* for a real post about anything, so just enjoy this picture and try not to let it haunt your dreams.

*I'm actually just lazy

Fantasy Season Wrapup

2006-04-25T17:27:00.000-04:00

If you don't give two shits (or even one) about how my fantasy hockey and basketball seasons went you should probably skip down to the music post and vote.

After last season I had kind of lost interest in fantasy basketball. No one that I knew even wanted to try playing so I decided that I wasn't going to play it this season. The only problem was that last year I won the public pool I was in (thanks almost totally to KG). When you win a public pool the following season Yahoo allows you to play in a league with just teams that won their pools the previous year. Since I had never won a public pool before I wanted to see what these winners pools were all about. So to make a long story even longer I ended up joining a winners pool and two regular public pools (one I drafted and one I just let the auto ranking handle). Unless I won any of those pools this was going to be my last season of fantasy basketball.

All three of my teams were pretty mid-level all season and I ended up finishing the regular seasons 5th (winners), 6th (public draft) and 7th (auto draft). In the auto draft one I ended up winning the loser bracket of the playoffs, but thats not really worth anything. In the winners pool I got knocked out in the first round by the team that went on to win the whole thing. So using my logic thats almost as good as a silver medal. Thanks to Dirk Nowitzki and Yao Ming being monsters down the strech I swept through the playoffs of my drafted public pool. Looks like I've got at least one more season in me.

Then theres hockey. 3 of the 4 pools I was in were won by the team that had Jagr. In a pool of 14 teams he was taken with the 30th pick (3rd round). He went 18th in a 7 team pool (3rd round). And this one is the most embarassing: 13th round, 52nd pick of a 4 team pool. If "Ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts then we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Players I drafted before Jagr: Robert Lang, Milan Hejduk, Alex Tanguay, Glen Murray and Todd Bertuzzi twice. Every team in every pool had a minimum of 2 shots at this guy an no one took him. Next season he'll be gone by the 3rd overall pick in most drafts. Everyone knew Jagr's potential so its hard to call this a shocker, but in hindsight its hard to see how everyone missed the boat.

Anyway, on to the results. In my two head to head pools I finished the regular seasons 4th of 14 (Behind Steve in 1st and ahead of Tom and Dennis in 7th and 11th respectivly) and 2nd of 12 in a public pool. The 14 team pool saw me being knocked out in the first round and finishing 5th, while Steve continued the dominance he showed all season and walked away with the championship. Tom meanwhile put up a decent effort but lost in the finals of the loser bracket.

The other two hockey pools I was in worked on the point based system. One of them might as well have given out the trophy at Christmas. Team Asian Sensation used Jagr, Spezza and Staal to jump out to a massive lead early and never looked back. I held on to the 2nd place spot for a little while, but Tom took aim and claimed the silver medal with about 3 weeks to go in the season holding me to the bronze.

Lastly is my largest regret of the hockey season. I dominated this last pool on the strength of my goalies almost all season long. I was untouchable, the way my team was consistantly putting up points there was no way any of the other teams could catch me. Then nearing the end of the season I noticed something funny. The points my team was recording nightly wasn't the same as the points I was getting on the leaderboard. This is where my history of playing head to head pools almost exclusivly kicked my ass. You see, in a points based pool there is a maximum number of games played allowed at each position. Once you're passed that number you can no longer accumulate points at that position. So my stratagy of running 6 goalies in a 2 goalie pool gave me a big lead, but once I was out of games it allowed Tom to chip away at that lead over the final weeks of the season and claim victory.

After this season Tom now has a comanding lead for the all-time hockey championship title having won 4 of the 11 pools he has been in. Compared to the 1 for 12 that Steve and I are both rocking now. Its gonna be an intese offseason, I've got some serious ground to make up.

This is not the NCAA

2006-04-22T05:43:00.000-04:00

This bracket makes George Mason look like nothing. Half of the two seeds got knocked out in the first round, and three of the number one seeds were sent packing early! Maddness indeed. Considering the matchups the two biggest shockers in my mind were Momma Said Knock You Out beating Shook Ones and The Offspring taking out Neil Young. I didn't think anyone actually liked that LL Cool J song. Thanks to the voters, Jona, Maine, April and Steve! If you didn't vote on the first round this is your chance to get in here, you dirty lurker you! If you did vote you know you wanna keep voting your favorites into the next round, so click on the fancy shmancy MSPaint bracket and do up your second rounders.

Day one of the NHL playoffs is over, Pat Quinn got fired, I finished exams and Foreman was a total dick to Cameron. These are some of the things I want to talk about, but I just started reading The Da Vinci Code tonight and it's already making me crazy! So if you don't hear from me for a while it's because I'm stuck in a book somewhere.

Pick 'em

2006-04-19T16:31:00.000-04:00

Alright I've got my last exam tomorrow so I'm gonna try to make this quick. Here are my thoughts on the first round matchups, throw yours in the comments and we'll see who has the best record at the end of the playoffs.

Western Conference:

Detroit (1) over Edmonton (8) - I'm taking the Wings to win the Cup so it only makes sense that they'd win in the first round.

Dallas (2) over Colorado (7) - If Colorado had a goalie that might make this interesting. But they don't and they won't.

Calgary (3) over Anaheim (6) - The Ducks might not even score in this series. Thats how much of a freak Kiprusoff is.

San Jose (5) over Nashville (4) - The Sharks are on fire and the Predators don't have Vokoun to put it out.

Eastern Conference:

Ottawa (1) over Tampa Bay (8) - I think the Sens are going to get upset in the playoffs, but the Lightning don't have a goalie to do it.

Carolina (2) over Montreal (7) - This could be close. Huet could have that magical Montreal rookie goalie in the playoffs thing going for him, and Kovalev can score with the best of em. But do you remember what Gerber did to Canada in the Olympics? Thats when I really took notice of him. I think this could be one of the more entertaining first round matchups.

New Jersey (3) over New York (6) - If anyone can stop Jagr its Brodeur, and apparently Gionta is a goal scoring machine. Plus this is the first time the Rangers have seen the playoffs in like 50 years (at least it seems like it) so that can't help.

Buffalo (4) over Philadelphia (5) - Remember what happened when Calgary beat Detroit in the playoffs cause the Wings had some slow defencemen that got burned a lot? Well its gonna be deja vu for Hatcher, at least for the rest of the D this will only be the first time. The goalies for both teams are kinda sketchy. If Philly goes with Esche its a mistake, and Nittimakki could he hit or miss. I'll take my chances with Ryan Miller, but he could crash and burn pretty easy too.

And the winner is...

2006-04-18T15:58:00.000-04:00

I was going to make my first round predictions today, but although we now know all the teams that will be playing for Lord Stanley's Cup, we don't know the final standings (damn the Eastern Conference is tight). So I've decided to put my two cents in on the individual hardware.

Hart Trophy: This goes to the player judged to be most valuable to his team. I'm taking Joe Thornton to beat out Jagr and Kiprusoff. I was ready to give this one to Joe when Jagr was still leading the points race. Now that Thornton has taken over that too (Jagr needs at least 3 points tonight to get it back) I don't think there is even a question. The turnaround that the Sharks team has had since getting Thornton from Boston is scary. Its like a whole new team. Jagr is a crazy individual player, but he doesn't come close to improving the Rangers the way Thornton does with the Sharks.

Vezina Trophy: This is probably the easiest of all the awards. Mikka Kiprusoff walks away with this one and no one is shocked. Manny Legace and Cristobal Huet are just honoured to be nominated.

Norris Trophy: I've got Lidstrom taking this one. He just did what he does year in an year out. Arguably the best player in the entire league, unless someone plays out of their mind all season I'd have Lidstrom packing up the Norris annually. My first runner-up is Dion Phaneuf, who is sure to have a couple of these trophies in his possession before we hear the last of him. There are at least 5 guys I'd like to put in the final runner-up spot so I'm just gonna throw Scott Niedermayer's name out there and move on.

Calder Trophy: This is the easiest award to give out since the Vezina went a couple seconds ago. Alexander 'The GR8' Ovechkin is a freak show. There is no one else on that Washington team for opponents to worry about and he still puts on a circus show. Dion Phaneuf and Henrik Lundqvist show up and smile for the cameras anyway. Yeah thats right, I'm not even nominating Sid 'The Kid' Crosby. Ovechkin outclassed him all season, and those other two guys were key parts of teams that are still going to be playing after tonight.

Jack Adams Trophy: I'll be honest, I have no idea who the coach of the Carolina Hurricanes is. If there were a lineup of 5 generic middle aged white guys I wouldn't be able to pick him out. I'd feel even dumber if hes not a middle aged white guy. Hes winning this trophy though. Depending on how tonight's games go the 'Canes could have the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference. Case closed. Runners up? I dunno...Buffalo's coach (Lindy Ruff?) and Nashville's (Pretty sure its Barry Trotz).

Alander Daige Trophy a.k.a. The I can't believe I took this guy in the first round of my fantasy pool trophy. Up until the Olympic break Mats Sundin had almost wrapped up this trophy, but since the break the guy has been a monster so hes off the list. The winner instead is Martain St. Louis, this former Hart Trophy winner was supposed to take full advantage of the new rules and light up the league. Instead he struggled all year and took home the Daige award of merit. Runners-up: Mario Lemieux and Marcus Naslund.

God doesn't want me to sleep in

2006-04-18T14:45:00.000-04:00

So pretty much every morning just after 10am my stupid phone rings. Almost every single freaking morning. Problem? In most households probably not except in my house my dad is usually out shopping or outside and doesn't hear it. So my sleep is interrupted just so i can run to the stupid phone and he some person try to sell me some shit or a wrong number. I can remember within the last few months of one of these phone calls being something important... ggrrr.... just let me sleep!

A Little bit too late

2006-04-16T11:27:00.000-04:00

Well since it is the long weekend I figured I do my traditional thing and grace the presence of this blog with my thoughts. The main one is the elimination of Toronto from playoff contention. Now when Toronto lost both games to Montreal not too long ago, everyone said that's it, it's over and in the end it basically appeared to be what really knocked Toronto out. However, no one can doubt their last minute effort to try and secure a spot and you can't really fault the Leafs for they just refused to call it quits after their losses to Montreal. Many sports writers where saying if Toronto could get to 90 points they would be in the playoffs and many said it couldn't happen because Toronto would basically need to go 12 - 0. Well guess what, the Leafs have gone 8 - 0 - 3 since that series against some really difficult teams, namely Buffalo and even Ottawa last night. What knocked them out wasn't a lack of effort, it was the fact that the bottom place teams basically refused to lose. Tampa, Atlanta, Montreal and even New Jersey all just needed to lose a couple of games but they didn't and this is what hockey is all about. It reminded me of the Jays a few years ago when they made a last ditched effort in September to claim a wild card spot. They won the majority of the games, the only thing was, so did everyone else.

Now as a loyal Leaf fan I know they didn't have the season they were supposed to. There were some huge disappointments that one couldn't predict such as Sundin getting hit with a puck and really not returning to form until he kicked ass in the olympics. Since then he has dominated the NHL in points. Jason Allison was a huge disappointment this season. I don't care about his points, most of them were just because he was there at the right time. He lost all of his speed he had while he was a young up and comer. He turned the puck over sooo many times he was just not the player he was supposed to be. Jeff O'Neil another "big" offseason acquistion barely did anything as well. Sure he had his games with clutch goals but I was really hoping we see the same Jeff O'Neil from back when Carolina eliminated the Leafs from the playoffs. Eric Lindros - who would have thought he'd be injured because of his tendons in his wrist??? I mean if anything people predicted another concussion and although he had a good start, he rushed his recovery and did more damage. If anything can be said about this Leafs club is that some changes need to be done. The young kids proved they can step up when needed. Here are just some suggestions for next season:

Berg is heading back to Europe and no one is more glad then me. Now if Belak will join him we'll be in business. The Leafs need to replace Allison with a forward that can mix it up. Someone that is young that has some speed. In anycase he was not a good fit for Toronto and he should leave. Jeff O'Neil is a good checking forward meaning, he's good to keep the puck out of our end but not much of the offensive type anymore. Kinda like a Shane Corson, he should pick up that role and go with it next year. Nik Antropov needs to do everyone a favour as well and pull a Hoglund and disappear, no good can come from him on the team. Ben Ondrus, my new favourite enforcer he should be signed up with the big leagues and Domi should retire. His only role with the Leafs was an enforcer but Domi only fought twice this year and if you aren't going to do your job you need to realize its time to call it quits. Aubin I think is a good candidate to lead the Leafs next year IF they can't acquire anyone in the Offseason to replace Belour. Tellqvist messed up big time and needs to find himself again or we'll be looking at another Trevor Kidd that just disappears and no one really cares what happened to him or bothers to ask. Finally Eric Lindros, keep him for another year. He's cheap (made less money than Domi) and when you need leadership he's there. He did so much better when Sundin got injured but I wouldn't mind seeing the Sundin Lindros Tucker line out next year, could be entertaining to watch. Finally with Belak, Antropov and Berg gone the Leafs have some cap room to get unrestricted free agents like Ed Jovonovski and hell if they really want another enforcer I hear Avery is looking for a new team.

The Leafs did give us Playoff hockey, it's just a shame it wasn't enough to actually get them to the post season. Their last 11 games have been some really entertaining hockey and if the Leafs can continue that into next season with players like Wellwood, Stajan and Steen (whom I hope will return to his pre-injury form) the Leafs have a good chance to redeem themselves for this year. The only benefit I can think of about missing the playoffs this year, is Ottawa doesn't have a chance to knock Toronto out of the playoff like the Leafs have done to Ottawa everytime they face them. In fact Ottawa had their chance for some redemption with the opportunity to knock Toronto out of the playoffs last night and Toronto did the T-Dot-O thing and kick the Sens back to Kanata with nothing but doubt in their hearts for their playoff run.

GO LEAFS GO!

"You're With Me, Leather"

2006-04-14T23:25:00.000-04:00

Its been a good week for sports...not such a good week for studying, but thats a whole other story. In case you've been more productive then me this week I thought I'd share some of the fun stuff that has been keeping me entertained.

The top of the list is easily the tales of ESPN announcer Chris Berman's pick-up line "You're with me, leather". This is the kind of thing that should be on Chappelle's Show Great Moments in Hook-Up History. Deadspin cracked this story on tuesday, and as of now there are only 37 Google hits for this ultimate catch phrase? C'mon internet, you should've taken this one and run with it days ago. "You're with me, leather" is even funnier then FIGJAM, and trust me FIGJAM is hilarious.

The Red Wings won the President's Trophy, the rest of the league cowered in fear.

"Ted Lily is a pimp, and the Red Sox are his bitches" courtesy of The Soxaholix. Did anyone watch that game? It was about 3 different kinds of awsome.

I think we all know how I feel about Beckie Scott around here, so it was kinda sad to hear that she was ending her competitive career. Hopefully she'll do some commentary at the next olympics like Catriona LeMay Doan.

Andy over at H77 has started writing some cheques that his team is going to have trouble cashing. But I'll save that one for my upcomming NHL playoff post (I'm just waiting for all the matchups to get sorted out).

Naturally, I'll leave you with a game. Have a good holiday weekend everybody!

Wake up to a Jesus piece like a Catholic nun...

2006-04-13T15:15:00.000-04:00

Boy did I ever have an awsome dream last night. I woke up and actually started laughing when I remembered what I had just drempt (is drempt a word? or should I have gone with dreamed?). So it started out with me in the backseat of a car going up to a cottage with a couple buddies. But instead of using roads like normal folk we were driving through fields and over hills and shit, and everytime we'd meet a road there were always police cars there. So we'd freak out cause the cops would probably be pissed about the unothadox driving. But then we'd realize that the cops had actually pulled someone else over and just happened to be there, paying no attention to us. This happened like 5-6 times, it was like a bad (or good) Family Guy joke.

We get to the cottage, but we have to check in like at a motel. So I go in to get the key or whatever it is I had to do, and Method Man is behind the counter. Then I go "Oh shit, it's the M-E-T-" and he finishes it off "H-O-D" and we both say "MAN!". Good times. It turns out that there is a poker game going on in the back room so Meth (we're friends in the dream so I can call him Meth) and I head back and meet up with Michael Douglas and Dustin Hoffman. Hoffman is in total Rain Man mode "Its aces, definitly, definitly aces" and hes doing all the odds and calculations in his head but saying them out loud. "Four in the deck, throw away three, pick up two, definitly aces, 82%, uh-oh, five minutes to Wapner". This whole time Douglas is just getting more and more mad, finally hes had enough, jumps up and yells "FUCK! You're not the fucking Rain Man! Fold or call I don't care, just shut the fuck up!". So Hoffman calls, flips over his cards and in his normal voice just says "Definitly aces" and takes the pot. It was the funniest thing Meth or I had ever seen.

Then I woke up. I never thought I'd see the day that Michael Douglas showed up in one of my dreams. I'm gonna throw the remaining first round matchups up here for my ultimate music tournament. So get your votes in cause the 2nd round starts on monday. If you're reading this and haven't voted yet, scroll back through the last few post and have your say. It could change the course of history. Plus, if you don't vote you can't complain when we crown a winner.

(2)Shook Ones Part II Mobb Deep vs. (15)Momma Said Knock You Out LL Cool J
(2)Triumph Wu-Tang Clan vs. (15)Fu-Gee-La The Fugees
(2)Twist My Arm The Tragically Hip vs. (15)Horse With No Name America
(2)What I Got Sublime vs. (15)Clocks Coldplay

(1)Feel Me Flow Naughty by Nature vs. (16)Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice
(1)Da Rockwilder Method Man and Redman vs. (16)Poppin Them Thangs G-Unit
(1)Back in Black AC/DC vs. (16)Old Time Rock n' Roll Bob Seger
(1)Gus: The Polar Bear from Central Park The Tragically Hip vs. (16)Are You Gonna Be My Girl? Jet

Its like a book on tape...but better!

2006-04-11T13:43:00.000-04:00

I was just checking the TV guide to see what time the Jays game started this afternoon (its at 2 in Boston) and I spotted something else kinda cool. Robert Ludlum's Covert One: The Hades Factor (its on at 9 on whatever channel CH is), it's no secret that I love Robert Ludlum and all of his books, and I might be wrong, but I think The Hades Factor was the first one of his that I ever read. Problem? Well I don't have TiVo or a VCR anymore and its on at the same time as House. Why do they make me choose? I think my remote control thumb is gonna get a workout tonight. Aight I gotta go fire up the BBQ before the Jays get going, don't forget to rock the vote!

(3)Rapper's Delight The Sugarhill Gang vs. (14)Gin & Juice Snoop Doggy Dogg
(3)Still D.R.E. Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg vs. (14)B.O.B. Outkast
(3)The Weight The Band vs. (14)Money Pink Floyd
(3)Redneck Gigolo Charlie Terrell vs. (14)Magic Carpet Ride (remix) Steppenwolf

Let's Go Blue Jays!

Seacrest, out!

Master of his Domain

2006-04-10T12:27:00.000-04:00

Phil Mickelson won The Masters yesterday for the second time in his career. Yeah lefty power! I'm not as big of a fan of his as I used to be though. I still gotta cheer for him based on the lefty swing alone, but the combination of Mike Weir becomeing more dominant and hearing more and more FIGJAM stories (thats a kickass nickname by the way) has knocked him down a few pegs. So in conclusion if you swing lefty I will cheer for you. Oh and who wants to go golfing now? Hell yeah.

(4)People Everyday Arrested Development vs. (13)Baby Got Back Sir Mix-a-lot
(4)Whoa! Black Rob vs. (13)Watchout Now Beatnuts
(4)If I Had $1,000,000 Barenaked Ladies vs. (13)The Devil Went Down to Georgia Charlie Daniel's Band
(4)Punk Rock Rebel Millencolin vs. (13)Take Me Out Franz Ferdinand

This is how we do

2006-04-09T22:39:00.000-04:00

The first week of the baseball season has been great. The Jays and Astros both look solid, and there have been some good games on TV. The Cubs are Cards are playing right now on sportsnet, I hate them both, but damnit this is good baseball. I've put on a couple of the Braves/Giants games on TBS too and boy is Tim Hudson ever looking shaky. I was going to post my fantasy rosters, but I'm still doing some tweaking so that'll wait for another day. Until then, onto the next group of matchups. Thanks for all the votes so far, keep it up!

(5)C.R.E.A.M. Wu-Tang Clan vs. (12)Gangsta's Paradise Coolio
(5)Break Ya Neck Busta Rhymes vs. (12)People Like Myself Timbaland and Magoo
(5)Mr. Jones Counting Crows vs. (12)You Can't Always Get What You Want The Rolling Stones
(5)Red Flag Billy Talent vs. (12)Fat Lip Sum 41

Just the basics

2006-04-08T16:58:00.000-04:00

I don't really have the mental capacity to write a 'real' post, so heres the next set of matchups:

(6)U Can't Touch This MC Hammer vs. (11)I Wish Skee-lo
(6)Big Pimpin' Jay-Z vs. (11)Ruff Ryders Anthem DMX
(6)Keep on Rocking in the Free World Neil Young vs. (11)Come Out and Play The Offspring
(6)Bulls on Parade Rage Against the Machine vs. (11)Flagpole Sitta Harvey Danger

Blah...

2006-04-07T23:52:00.000-04:00

so on wednesday night i went out to see Hard Fi with johnny and justin. had a good time, concert was pretty good and we had a few drinks... actually probably too many drinks. i think i discovered the worst kinda "drunk" on wednesday. i had enough to make me feel tipsy, but not to do anything stupid. then the next day i wasn't hungover but i still felt like ass. it was the very unhappy medium i think. not drunk enough to do anything stupid and memorable, but drunk enough to feel like ass the next day. blah.

yeah that was a pointless post :P
i'm working on a top 5... till tomorrow.... maybe

Is it in you?

2006-04-07T00:29:00.000-04:00

Had my last day of classes today, for some reason it didn't feel as good as it has in the past. Maybe because I didn't have as many classes to go to as I have in the past. I dunno, it was just kinda anti-climatic.

I had a bit of a break between my last two classes so I took the opportunity to head over to the nearest vending machine area to get some caffine in because I was really dragging my ass this morning. Unfortunatley when I got there the caffine machine was out of order, so I went with a Powerade instead. I got to my class and sat down beside one of my buddies and opened my beverage. Then I turn to my friend and say "Hey, y'know that seal on the top of Powerade bottles. Uh, this one didn't have one". So we spent a couple seconds trying to figure out who could be out to get me. While we were having that discussion the prof was handing out some papers and was right by us. Just as I go to take my first sip she has this look of horror cross her face and she says "Oh my God, you're not going to drink that are you?!". To which I reply "Well, yeah I'm thirsty". Then she just kinda looked at me in disbelief like I had pulled a rabbit out of a hat that had previously thought to be empty. Anyway to make a long story a little longer, I'm still alive and my thirst was quenched, so everybody wins.

On to the next round of matchups. If you haven't voted yet, scroll down another post and get started. If you have, heres the 7 vs. 10 sets:

(7)I Got 5 On It The Luniz vs. (10)It's Tricky Run DMC
(7)Role Model Eminem vs. (10)Through the Wire Kanye West
(7)Takin Care of Business BTO vs. (10)Layla Eric Clapton
(7)The Memory Remains Metallica vs. (10)Pressure Point The Zutons

April Maddness!

2006-04-06T01:24:00.000-04:00

Okay so in the name of total procrastination I've made up my musical brackets. This will only work with participation though, so I'm asking for your input, just take a couple seconds out of your day to vote for who you want to win each matchup. I'm talking to you too lurkers, I know you're out there, you don't have to use your name or anything, just type out the 4 songs and be annony-moose about it.

The brackets are broken up by date and style. I chose 1996 as the divider between old and new school for no real reason, 10 years just sounded right. The style divider is really just rap/hip-hop vs. everything else cause thats how I roll. I'm going to start with the 8 vs. 9 seed matchup and work up to the one seeds. Lastly any tie goes to the highest seed, because I'm not voting so my ranking breaks any tie. Got it? Got it. So lets get at 'er:

(8)The Message Grandmaster Flash vs. (9)Big Poppa Notorious B.I.G.
(8)Da Joint EPMD vs. (9)Country Grammar Nelly
(8)House of the Rising Sun The Animals vs. (9)The Gambler Kenny Rogers
(8)Scar Tissue Red Hot Chili Peppers vs. (9)Got the Life Korn

If you haven't heard any of those songs, I recommend each and every one of them.

Who wants $100,000?

2006-04-03T03:32:00.000-04:00

Head over to MLB.com and enter the Beat the Streak contest. Get to 57 games and win $100,000 sounds pretty easy eh. Oh and its free to enter and play. So if you decide to join, enter league name "Bacon Strips" and password "5555". You should also check out Beat the Streak: Home Run Edition and MLB.com Survivor while you're there too.

Okay, I should probably try and get some sleep now.

He's so big, it's so hot

2006-04-03T00:05:00.000-04:00

Before I get into this top 5 I just want to bitch about the quality of commercials these days. There was a time in my life when I wanted to go into marketing, and right now I don't know if I would have just dominated the game or killed myself. Seriously there are some awful commercials running that should have gotten no farther then being spoken in an brainstorming meeting. Mr. Sub is probably the worst, I don't think they've had a good commercial in their history. But have you seen Pepsi lately?? First they had the Jimmy Fallon one which sucked, but that one never really had a chance. Then they do pretty much the same thing but they switched Fallon for Eva Longoria and switched the woman in the first commercial with rain in the second one. Its still just bad. What are the people at Pepsi drinking? Yeah, I know I just set you up with the greatest Pepsi-bashing line ever. Try to contain yourself, you're missing the point. They've got Eva Longoria, and its raining and they still can't pull a good commercial out of it. Rediculous.

Enough about shitty preformances though, on to some great ones. The Top 5 Christopher Walken preformances. Remember to say the accompanying lines in your best Walken voice.

5. Batman Returns
"Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry."

4. Saturday Night Live
"I gotta have more cowbell, baby!"

3. Suicide Kings
"Guys, if I don't bleed to death pretty soon, I'm gonna die of boredom."

2. Doe Dirt
"You're talking to me all wrong. It's the wrong tone. Do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? *SMACK* Get her to sew that!"

1. Poolhall Junkies
"You watch those nature documentaries on the cable? You see the one about lions? You got this lion. He's the king of the jungle, huge mane out to here. He's laying under a tree, in the middle of Africa. He's so big, it's so hot. He doesn't want to move. Now the little lions come, they start messing with him. Biting his tail, biting his ears. He doesn't do anything. The lioness, she starts messing with him. Coming over, making trouble. Still nothing. Now the other animals, they notice this. They start to move in. The jackals; hyenas. They're barking at him, laughing at him. They nip his toes, and eat the food that's in his domain. They do this, then they get closer and closer, bolder and bolder. Till one day, that lion gets up and tears the shit out of everybody. Runs like the wind, eats everything in his path. Cause every once in a while, the lion has to show the jackals, who he is."

Is there a better movie speech then that one right there? I say there isn't. Someday this week I'm going to put together a march maddness-style bracket to determine the greatest song in the history of the world. You ever notice how much more elaborate these procrastination efforts get the closer exams are?

Official Predictions

2006-04-02T15:46:00.000-04:00

The 2006 Major League Baseball season gets underway tonight so its time to make some predictions. My favorite part about preseason predictions is that so many things happen during the season that its really rediculous to take this seriously now, and by the end of the season no one is going to remember how wrong I was anyway. But if I get a couple of these right I can point back to this post and proclaim what a baseball mastermind I am.

American League:

Division Winners - Boston, Chicago and Texas

Wild Card - Toronto

MVP - Mark Teixeira

Cy Young - Roy Halladay

RotY - Ian Kinsler

National League:

Division Winners - Atlanta, St. Louis and San Francisco

Wild Card - Houston

MVP - Lance Berkman

Cy Young - Roy Oswalt

RotY - Jeremy Hermideia

World Series:

Houston over Boston

Don't like my predictions? Check out who ESPN is taking, or hit the comments up.

Would You Rather...

2006-03-31T16:52:00.001-05:00

I was watching The Best Damned Sports Show Period this afternoon. First off all thats a pretty cocky name for a show. Second of all if thats the name for your show you should at the absolute least try to be in the top half of good sports shows. Third of all this show really isn't very good. Okay, I didn't come here to rip on the show all day though. They had a segment on the show entitled 'Would You Rather', and of all their crappy options, one was actually pretty good. So I've decided we should try to make this a semi-regular feature around here too. I'll kick it off with the one that inspired this post, and then throw in a couple of my own. Hit the comments and let me know where you stand.

Would you rather:

Win a championship or get voted into the Hall of Fame?
Sit through the collective works of Vin Diesel or Mark Wahlberg?
Always lose or never play?

Personally, I'm taking the HoF, Vin, and being a big losing loser.

Best 1-2 Punch in the Majors.

2006-03-31T12:25:00.000-05:00

Roy Halladay and A.J. Burnett just became my two favorite pitchers in the American League. Of course The Doc was already my favorite, but now hes got a solid partner in crime. Man, if I was making $10+ mill a year imagine the pranks I could pull. Holy shit, is it sunday yet?

This is the intro

2006-03-30T17:06:00.000-05:00

Okay I promise this post will have nothing to do with fantasy sports. Back to talking about one of my other favorite topics...music. We haven't had a Top 5 list in a while, and I started working on this one a week or two ago. My plan was to do the top 5 song intros, but then defining what was considered an intro got tricky. So the definition that I'm working with is that the intro should build up to the main beat of the song. This eliminates a lot of hip hop songs that have really good beats but are no different from the first note to the last. In fact it pretty much eliminated all hip hop songs. At least the ones I could come up with.

5. Right Now - Van Halen
4. Fixxxer - Metallica
3. Simon Says - Pharoahe Monch
2. Thunderstruck - AC/DC
1. Hells Bells - AC/DC

So basically this scientific study has proven that AC/DC know what they're doing when it comes to making a solid intro. I almost put PopoZao on that list just for the grubby trailer park laugh at the begining. Okay thats a lie. Billy Peddle by Great Big Sea should get an honerable meantion because its got a great intro, but I don't really know where it ends cause its kind of lacking in the lyrics department. I think I'm going to have to expand this list someday, because I'm definitly leaving some quality intros off the list.

This is the outro.

Fantasy Baseball Draft Stratagy (Part 3)

2006-03-29T14:31:00.000-05:00

This is an article from ESPN's Page 2 thats a couple years old. In fact I think I probably linked to it before last season too. Its got some good tips in it (other than #4), and a couple that I keep in mind during a draft.

Yeah, you want to win whatever pool you're in, but you don't want to do it with a team full of douchebags. If Barry Bonds carries my public team to the championship, I'm gonna feel dirty winning it. Thats why I tried to surround him with players that I like, such as Berkman, Helton, Willingham, Huff and Young. Now if those guys carry my team I can win with a smile on my face. Plus if Bonds disapoints then I can bitch about him even more.

So my final piece of advice is to draft at least one player from your favorite team or the hometown team because those are the games you're most likely going to be watching regardless of who you drafted. And its just a little more fun when you see a guy come up to the plate and you know that hes one of 'your boys'. Then when he strikes out looking with runners in scoring position you can really get excited.

Fantasy Baseball Drafting Stratagy (Part 2)

2006-03-28T17:45:00.000-05:00

Okay lets get right into this and pick up where I left off.

Outfield:
There is a lot of depth at this position so it gives you multiple options on who and when to grab. In a 12 team pool you're looking at a minimum of 36 outfielders being drafted, but the actual number taken will probably be closer to 60 because a lot of teams will use an outfielder in their utility spot and bench, plus there are a few of these guys with multiple position eligibility. So we might as well start at the top.

Vlady Guerrero (1st and 1st)
Manny Ramirez (1st and 1st)
Carl Crawford (1st and 1st)
Miguel Cabrera (2nd and 1st)
Bobby Abreu (2nd and 2nd)
Chad Kroger (2nd and 1st)
Gary Sheffield (3rd and 2nd)
Ichiro Suzuki (1st and 2nd)
Andruw Jones (3rd and 3rd)
Chone Figgins (2nd and 3rd)
Lance Berkman (3rd and 4th)

Cabrera is an interesting player because he can be used at either 3rd or OF so if you draft him make sure you're aware of the flexability when making pick later on. So if you don't like some of the OFs available in one round but a guy like Chavez or Rolen is still kicking around on the 3B list you know what to do. Again, if you're taking Figgins you really want to be using him at 2B, but depending how the draft goes just remember to be aware of player flexability. Berkmen went in the 4th round with the pick right before mine, otherwise I'd have him in both pools. I love Berkman, which might be making me biased, but I think hes going to have a monster year. With Bagwell out the move to first will put less strain on his body and he should be able to mash all season. In case you hadn't figured it out yet, Chad Kroger is actually Canada's baseball golden boy Jason Bay, hes got a slightly improved lineup around him and Sean Casey is in a contract year so I definitly like his outlook. I'm avoiding Abreu and Sheff just because there are other players of equal value that I'd rather cheer for all season.

Carlos Lee (4th and 4th)
Grady Sizemore (5th and 6th)
Carlos Beltran (5th and 4th)
Juan Pierre (5th and 4th)
Adam Dunn (6th and 4th)
Jhonny Damon (6th and 6th)
Scott Podsednik (6th and 4th)
Hideki Matsui (7th and 5th)
Vernon Wells (7th and 6th)
Pat Burrell (9th and 8th)
Griffey Jr. (8th and 4th)
Barry Bonds (7th and 8th)

Yeah, I drafted Barry Bonds, big whoop, wanna fight?? I fucking hate the guy, but hes a machine and if you can get passed having him on your team you might want to look at him. This is hard for me to type as an Astros fan, but I was looking to take Carlos Beltran in both pools too, last year had to be a fluke plus hes gonna have Delgado with him this year. I hate the guy, but I'd put him on my team. Ugh, damn I gotta go have a shower now, thats how dirty I feel after talking about taking those two guys. Matsui always seems to be undervalued to me and hes definitly worth grabbing even if he is a Yankee. On the other hand, fuck Damon. Same for Adam Dunn. Last season was the first time in the history of my fantasy sports days that I didn't draft Griffey, and he ended up getting almost 500 ABs. I didn't draft him again this year so hes probably going to hit 300 HRs...on opening day. Scotty Pod is a steal monster, but hes kinda risky. V-Dub wasn't great last year, but adding Overbay and Glaus has to help right? Right.

Jim Edmonds
Chad Tracy (10th and 10th)
Coco Crisp (10th and 10th)
Matt Holliday (10th and 8th)
Aubrey Huff (12th and 10th)
Brian Giles
Randy Winn
Michael Bradley
Willy Tavaras (13th and 11th)
Aaron Rowand

I'm not even considering the guys that I didn't put draft positions down for. Coco should be good hitting at the top of the Red Sox lineup. Holliday plays home games at Coors Field so thats worth a couple points. Huff is my homeboy so I always like him. Berkman going to first should give Tavaras the starting job in center, and when he gets on base he can run. Its just getting there thats the issue. Okay these next guys are my sleeperish picks.

Brad Wilkerson (16th and 13th)
Preston Wilson (15th and 18th)
Rocco Baldelli (undrafted and 13th)
Alex Rios (undrafted and 9th)
Austin Kearns (16th and undrafted)
Jeremy Burnitz (undrafted and 18th)
Wily Mo Pena (undrafted and undrafted)
Joey Gathright (undrafted and undrafted)
Jeremy Hermidia (16th and 16th)

Moving from the Nationals lineup into the Rangers one can't hurt, but Wilkerson has some shoulder issues, so there is a risk there. Preston Wilson joins the Astros and I expect him to take full advantage of the Crawford Boxes in left. But that might be my bias again. Baldelli missed all last season, and hes not 100% right now, but if he plays he might be work grabbing with a late pick. Gathright is a freak, hes got speed for days, and with Aubrey Huff potentially moving to third, Delmon Young being sent down to AAA (who I drafted by the way) and Baldelli banged up he might just have a starting job. If he plays, hes gonna steal bases, a lot of them. Hermidia is one of the favorite to challenge for the ROTY in the National League and has been put into the #2 spot hitting in front of Miguel Cabrera and Josh Willingham.

Alrighty, well that takes care of the batting positions. Time to move on to the guys throwing heat.

Starting Pitchers
The key to having a winning team in a head to head pool is having the right balance between hitting and pitching. I've never really mastered that philosophy, in my public pool I went hitting strong and in the 14 man pool I targeted pitching. Last year I went pitching strong in all my pools and had three 2nd place finishes to go along with my one win. Who knows what this year will bring.

Johann Santana (1st and 1st
Pedro Martinez (2nd and 2nd)
Chris Carpenter (2nd and 2nd)
Jake Peavy (3rd and 2nd)
Roy Oswalt (3rd and 2nd)
Roy Halladay (3rd and 2nd)
The Big Unit (5th and 3rd)
Carlos Zambrano (5th and 4th)
Rich Harden (5th and 4th)
Dontrelle Willis (1st and 4th)
Ben Sheets (5th and 5th)
Felix Hernandez (6th and 5th)
Mark Prior (7th and 4th)
Andy Pettitte (7th and 3rd)
Bartolo Colon (7th and 3rd)
Mark Buehrle (4th and 4th)

You'll want to get at least one of these guys (although you'll notice I didn't in my public pool), but you also don't want to be the guy taking Willis in the first round. I love Oswalt and Halladay, The Doc I expect to be dominant and challenge for the Cy Young this year, Oswalt has had back to back 20 win seasons and I hate to say it but he might be due for some DL time. I've got him in my other 2 pools though, and as an Astros fan I'm planning on him being his old dominant self. I'm avoiding Cubs pitchers because they've hurt me in the past so I'm staying away from Zambrano, Prior and Wood. I'm also staying away from The Unit because hes old and hes lost the Mullet Power that made him so dominant.

Brett Myers (8th and 8th)
John Smoltz (9th and 5th)
Brandon Webb (9th and 6th)
Barry Zito (6th and 6th)
John Patterson (9th and 8th)
Jason Schmidt (9th and 4th)
Cliff Lee (5th and 9th)
A.J. Burnett (9th and 5th)
Roger Clemens (10th and 9th)
Curt Schilling (5th and 8th)
Josh Beckett (6th and 5th)
Freddy Garcia (10th and 10th)
Nate Lowry (11th and 10th)
C.C. Sabathia (11th and 10th)
John Garland (8th and 9th)
Doug Davis (11th and 11th)
John Lackey (8th and 7th)
Jose Contreras (11th and 9th)
Danny Haren (10th and 8th)
Mark Mulder (9th and 8th)
Tim Hudson (12th and 11th)

The experts are saying to stay away from the ex-Marlins Burnett and Beckett, and they're probably right. I like A's and ex-A's which is why I've got Haren, Hudson, Harden, and Mulder. Zito isn't a bad option either. In this block of guys I feel like you can just take whoever you like most and the difference maker will probably be health. The Rocket still hasn't commited to the season, and I would avoid him. Other than the A's guys I like Davis and Schmidt, and they would make good options on any rotation.

Kerry Wood (12th and 11th)
Kevin Millwod (12th and 12th)
Matt Cain (13th and 14th)
Zach Duke (13th and 10th)
Jeremy Bonderman (15th and 12th)
Jake Westbrook (15th and 15th)
Aaron Harang (15th and 12th)
Scott Kazmir (14th and 12th)
Francisco Liriano (17th and 20th)
Greg Maddux (20th and 10th)
Josh Towers (21st and 16th)
Jaarod Washburn (17th and 18th)
Kelvim Escobar (undrafted and 19th)
Oliver Perez (21st and 21st)

Wood and Maddux are Cubs so I'm not looking at them. Cain, Kazmir and Duke are all young guys that are expected to have half decent numbers. Bonderman probably shouldn't go as high as he is, but he might be worth it if he drops a couple rounds. If you want one more pitcher in the last two rounds I like taking any combonation of Towers, Perez or Escobar.

Okay, all we've got left now are the relievers. I don't think I have too much to say about these guys so I'll get on with wrapping this thing up.

Relief Pitchers:
You want to have at least one of the top guys, if you can swing two or more you're laughing.

Mariano Rivera (3rd and 3rd)
Brad Lidge (4th and 5th)
Francisco Rodriguez (5th and 5th)
Billy Wagner (6th and 6th)
Joe Nathen (6th and 7th)
B.J. Ryan (6th and 7th)
Huston Street (6th and 7th)
Chad Cordero (7th and 8th)
Eric Gagne (7th and 3rd)
Eddie Guardado (9th and 9th)
Trevor Hoffman (7th and 6th)
Jason Isringhausen (7th and 5th)

If you can get one of those top 4 guys and then add another one like Gagne or Cordero provided you put a decent team together you should be able to handle the pitching stats each week.

Francisco Cordero (8th and 9th)
Derrick Turnbow (7th and 9th)
Brian Fuentes (10th and 12th)
Todd Jones (10th and 12th)
Keith Foulke (12th and 13th)
Bobby Jenks (12th and 11th)
Tom Gordon (13th and 14th)
Armando Benitez (14th and 9th)
Jose Valverde (14th and 11th)
Bob Wickman (12th and 14th)
Ryan Dempster (10th and 11th)
Joe Borowski (14th and 17th)
Mike Gonzalez (14th and 15th)
Dan Wheeler (19th and 19th)
Neal Cotts (undrafted, but picked up and undrafted, but picked up)
Ambiorix Burgos(18th and undrafted, but picked up)

These are your second tier guys, Cotts has jumped off the FA list because Jenks has had trouble in spring training and might lose the closer job. Burgos should have the closing job in KC for at least the start of the season, and if he looks good he might just keep it. Okay I guess I'm just avoiding Cubs starters, because I kinda like Dempster. Wheeler is one of the best non-closing relievers in the league, and if Lidge gets hurt hes the guy to step in. Another guy worth keeping an eye on is Mike Timlin in Boston should Foulke blow it out of the start.

Okay thats all I've got on the players. I'll be back again tomorrow with some more general thoughts on draft stratagy.

Fantasy Baseball Drafting Stratagy (Part 1)

2006-03-28T01:49:00.000-05:00

My homeboy Steve-o has a pair of drafts comming up this week so these next couple of posts are mostly for him to use as guidelines to (hopefully) success. Either that or we're both gonna have crappy fantasy seasons. So if there is anyone else reading these that totally disagrees with what I have to say, or has some tips and hints they'd like to share hit em up in the comments.

My plan for today is to run through the infield positions and then go through pitchers and the outfielders tomorrow. The order that players are listed is the same as they appear in Yahoo's rankings just because thats where all these drafts are taking place. The two drafts that I'm using as markers for where players are expected to go are a 14 team private pool and a 12 team public one that I have already drafted in, any time that I meantion draft position it will be public pool first, and bolded numbers indicate my picks. Well, lets get this thing started with the guys behind the plate...

Catchers: My gameplan for catchers has been get Mauer or Martinez or take someone else in the later rounds. No shocker there. Martinez went in the 3rd round of both drafts, while I took Mauer 5th round in both. The other catchers either come off the board earlier then I feel comfortable taking them or I just don't want them.
Javy Lopez (2nd and 6th)
Jason Varitek (4th and 7th)
Ivan Rodriguez (12th and 7th)
Kenji Johijima (14th and 12th)
Jorge Posada (11th and 7th)
Ramon Hernandez (14th and 16th)
Mike Piazza (16th and 16th)

I prefer to pass on those guys and wait on the 3rd tier guys that (usually) come a lot cheaper.

Josh Willingham (17th and 17th)
Benji Molina (14th and 9th)
Michael Barrett (20th and 16th)
A.J. Pierzynski (undrafted and 16th)
Rod Barajas (18th and 20th)
Mike Lieberthal (21st and 19th)
Javier Valentin (undrafted and undrafted)
Brian McCann (21st and undrafted)

Obviously I like Willingham, since I took him twice. But I wouldn't be crying about having Molina (although he went a lot earlier then I thought he should in both drafts), Barajas, Valentin or McCann either.

First Base:
Pujols, Teixeira, Ortiz and Lee are all gone by the 10th pick of the first round at the latest, and they're generally going within one pick of where Yahoo has them ranked. So if your draft position matches one of those guys its a safe pick to snag em. If they're gone or you take someone else with your pick here is the rest of the pack...

The four guys I've got in my second teir to target are
Carlos Delgado (3rd and 3rd)
Lance Berkman (3rd and 4th)
Todd Helton (4th and 3rd)
Paul Konerko (4th and 5th)
Berkman also has OF eligibility which is why I took him and Helton with back to back picks in my public pool. Then comes the 3rd tier...

Ryan Howard (4th and 5th)
Chad Tracy (10th and 10th)
Aubrey Huff (12th and 10th)
Justin Morneau (17th and 12th)
Prince Fielder (18th and 17th)
Lyle Overbay (18th and 14th)

Okay I should probably give Howard more credit, but I just don't trust the guy, or Phillies in general. Huff and Tracy are also both OF eligible so if you get one of the big guns on first they are still worth looking at. Also, Sean Casey is in a contract year, so if you're desperate late he might be worth looking at, he went in the 18th and 13th rounds of my drafts, I wouldn't take him before anyone listed above though.

Second Base:
This is always the hardest position for me to draft. There arn't many top of the game talents so it usually ends up either jumping at someone earlier than I should or waiting til the end and taking some junker. In both pools this year, I jumped early.

Alfonso Soriano (2nd and 2nd)
Chone Figgins (2nd and 3rd)
Chase Utley (3rd and 3rd)
Jeff Kent (3rd and 3rd)
Marcus Giles (6th and 6th)
Jorge Cantu (6th and 7th)
Filipe Lopez (8th and 8th)

Judging by this small sample size I'd say its safe to project where these guys can be expected to be taken. I'm not too big on Giles, but the others are all aight picks. I chose to grab Soriano and Figgins early because I feel like there is enough depth at the other positions to get value later. After those guys I don't have much feel for the rest of the pack at the two bag though, so maybe grab Rickie Weeks (11th and 10th) or someone else, I don't really know. It should also be noted that Figgins can be used at third or the OF, Kent and Utley both can go at 1B, Cantu can play third and Lopez has shortstop eligibilty. If you do end up with one of these guys, you'll want to be using them at second, putting them anywhere else drops their value.

Shortstop:
The middle infield is another tough spot, there is definitly more value then 2B, but the line between talent levels feels fuzzier to me.
Michael Young (1st and 1st)
Miguel Tejada (2nd and 1st)
Jose Reyes (2nd and 2nd)
Jimmy Rollins (4th and 2nd)
Derek Jeter (2nd and 2nd)
Rafael Furcal (4th and 5th)
Jhonny Peralta (8th and 7th)
Filipe Lopez (8th and 8th)

Based on where these guys are going, I'm avoiding Tejada and Furcal...and like I said above you should be using Lopez at second base anyway.

Julio Lugo (11th and 8th)
Edgar Renteria (13th and 5th)
Nomar Garciaparra (12th and 2nd)
Clint Barmes (15th and 11th)
Bobby Crosby (10th and 13th)
David Eckstein (19th and 13th)
Ian Kinsler (20th and undrafted)

I dunno what was going on with Renteria and No-mah going so early in that other pool, but I wouldn't expect that to be the norm. Barmes is the sexy pick for a comeback season after last year's freak injury and I don't mind taking him where hes going. Eckstein is a solid pick in the last 3 rounds, but I wouldn't take him as high as the 13th. Kinsler should have the starting job at second base in Texas so he will end up with dual eligibility and I like taking him late. In fact I just picked him up in that pool he went undrafted in so he can take Figgins' spot because I need to move Delmon Young to my bench...but thats a whole other story.

Third Base:
There are a lot of quality guys you can take here, and there is hardly anyone I'm avoiding.

A-Rod - If he goes anywhere but 1st overall someone fucked up
David Wright (2nd and 1st)
Miguel Cabrera (2nd and 1st)
Chone Figgins (2nd and 3rd)
Aramis Ramirez (4th and 3rd)
Morgan Ensberg (5th and 3rd)
Jorge Cantu (6th and 7th)
Chipper Jones (7th and 6th)
Eric Chavez (8th and 7th)
Troy Glaus (8th and 6th)
Hank Blaylock (8th and 6th)
Scott Rolen (8th and 6th)
Melvin Mora (9th and 10th)
Garrett Atkins (17th and 9th)

You want one of these guys. You also want to be the one starting the run on third basemen not the one taking Atkins in the 9th round like a chump because you were sure at least one of those other guys would make it back to you when you wanted them. If you want to go for a sleeper backup guy try Zimmerman out of Washington. But what do I know, I'm the chump taking Atkins in the 9th. Can you guess which pick I want back yet? Oh and I'm avoiding Chipper because fuck the Braves, thats why.

Aight I'll be back tomorrow with the outfielders and pitchers...actually I guess thats later today now...damn I'm awesome.

Thoughts From The Stands updated

2006-03-26T19:49:00.000-05:00

Jeff Bagwell was officially placed on the DL today. As an Astros fan I'm conflicted about his return attempt. For as long as I've watched baseball Bagwell has been the Houston first basemen, hes partly the reason why I wanted to play the position to begin with. I'd love to see him play one more healthy year, especially now that the Astros have been deep in the playoffs, but it looks like it wasn't meant to be. On the plus side this actually helps the Astros lineup, it allows Lance Berkman to move to first base and it solidifies the outfield situation which actually makes Houston a better team. Ahh well, at least Bagwell will be the first Astro into the Hall of Fame.

Stephen Ames won the players championship on the PGA Tour this afternoon. I don't really have anything to say about it, but it definitly got me more pumped up for golf season. Man I can't wait to dust the clubs off.

The Leafs arn't mathematically eliminated from the playoffs yet, but after dropping back to back games with the Canadians its pretty much over. I'm hearing three things from Leaf fans. 1)Belfour needs to go 2)Quinn needs to go 3)Sundin needs to go. I'm with you on two thirds of those demands at least. I would be shocked beyond belief if the Leafs didn't buyout The Eagle after this season. I'm iffier (thats a word, right? right.) about Quinn, I always had his back in other seasons, but this year I think hes lost his mind. Plus, Toronto has Paul Mourice down in the minors who could jump in right away. If Sundin gets shipped out of town, depending what comes in return, it could go down as one of the worst deals ever. Sure Mats has had an awful season, but look at who they're giving him as wingers.

George Mason?! Wow, maddness indeed. Thanks to Florida's win today I think I'm ending up tied with Steve for the win in our NCAA pool. To be honest I haven't watched much of it since the first two days, but the highlights have been solid.

Yawn...

Adam Vinatieri has left the Patriots to sign with the ugh...Colts. I'm not going to get mad at it though, because the Patriots have made the right calls on letting players go that I would have kept around before. So until he kicks a game winner to get the Colts passed New England in the playoffs I'm going to assume this was the right call.

My next few post are going to be all about baseball, so if you don't care what I think about fantasy pools and the comming season you might want to just stay away til about thursday.

Although Steve is due to break his blogging silence one of these days, so you might want to check back for that.

Almost forgot a couple things, I had microwave popcorn last night, and then today I put Lay's ketsup chips in the same bowl. It was all good until I got to the bottom, by that point some of the chips had absorbed the buttery popcorn taste, so they were buttery ketsup chips and it was gross. I'm only posting this so you don't make the same mistake.

~~Shit...I already forgot what the second thing was that I came back here for. Hmmmm, I'll probably be back again later now.~~

I knew I'd remember sooner or later, does anyone else have this Desktop Earth thing? It basically updates your background picture to look like what the earth looks like from space at any given moment. At first I thought it was really cool cause I liked the picture and everything, but now its starting to freak me out a little. Have you seen The Chronicles of Riddik? Y'know when they're on that planet with the crazy sun, and they're running to saftey and you can see the light 'chasing' them as it moves across the landscape. Its like that, I'll be working on something and then I'll close a window and the desktop will have updated, all of a sudden the darkness is a lot closer, but I still haven't got much work done...AND TIME IS RUNNING OUT!! Only Vin Diesel isn't here to save me.

No more fun and games

2006-03-23T13:42:00.000-05:00

I kinda forgot about the quiz that I gave a while ago, so I never posted the answers (even though only one person took the quiz). So I'm reposting the questions with the answers, and throwing in a couple time killing games that I've been hooked on for the last couple days.

1. Does it matter that Wyclef just got a "fresh new bentley"?
a) Yes
b) No

From the song It Doesn't Matter featuring The Rock:
Wyclef: Hey Rock, I just got a fresh new bentley
The Rock: It doesn't matter if you just bought a fresh bentley!

2. What is the difference between you and Xzibit?
a) About 5 bank accounts
b) 3 Ounces
c) 2 Vehicles
d) All of the above

From the song What's the Difference off of Dr. Dre's 2001 album: "Whats the difference between me and you? About 5 bank accounts, 3 ounces and 2 Vehicles."

3. What does Ludacris have permission to do?
a) Roll on 20's
b) Smoke weed everyday
c) Put your mother in a headlock
d) Get crunked up

The very first line in Luda's Block Lockdown is "I've got permission to put yo' momma in a headlock"

4. According to Black Rob, what are bank accounts like?
a) Whoa!
b) Ragu sauce
c) Phat dollar
d) Cheese factories

This was my trick question, from the song Warrior "Bank accounts like Ragu Sauce, its in there", to the best of mt recolection there is no specific reference to bank accounts in Whoa! or any of its remixes

5. How many levels above you is Puff Daddy?
a) 4
b) 3
c) 2
d) 1

This is from Diddy's intro in the song Victory "you know that I'm two levels above you baby, hug me baby, i'mma make you love me baby"

6. What "must" Redman's first name be?
a) He ain't shit
b) He Hate Me
c) Reggie
d) Doc

In Redman's I'll Bee Dat! he says "My first name must be he ain't shit, cause every time i'm in the car bitches be like 'he ain't shit'"

Aight now, here are a couple games to get you through the day. Bounce Out from yahoo games, my all-time high score is 155,364. Or if you prefer a slower paced puzzle game try out Splash Back, I can't remember my highest level, but I think it was somewhere in the low 20s. If anyone cares to try and beat those records I'll post proof later.

This is stolen property

2006-03-22T13:33:00.000-05:00

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 24 and find line 5.
"Blitzed three levels last year, showing speed, power, and good on-base ability. Somewhat overlooked still, meaning he could be a fantasy bargin in many leagues."
Thank you Fantasy Baseball Index 2006. If you're curious that quote is talking about Kevin Melillo, 2nd base prospect for the Oakland A's

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
A bunch of crap on my desk. Alarm clock, calculator, half empty bottle of Pepsi, lamp, speaker, pack o' gum, my watch, a grocery recipt and a tub of gummi bears.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart last night.
"Finish this sentence: put me in _______"
"Put me in NOW"
"Okay great, now start this sentence"
"......."

4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The wind blowing outside and my iPod, right now its playing New Orleans is Sinking by the Tragically Hip

5. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Yesterday, around 1:30 comming home from class.

6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Some blogs and my fantasy pools. What do you think of this trade offer: Clint Barmes and Matt Holliday for Jason Bay and Roger Clemens?

7. What are you wearing?
Plaid pajama pants, an old ripped sweatshirt and green boxers. I should go find some socks though cause my feet are cold.

8. Did you dream last night?
Probably. Don't you dream almost everynight, you just don't remember it? I think I heard that somewhere.

9. When did you last laugh?
Reading this blog: "time to make like a baby and head out" I love it.
Update: my sister just messeged with this one "make like a fetus and get up outta this mother"

10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Just a four month planner. I've got a roll of fun posters that I've been supposed to put up since September. I don't think I'm going to get around to it.

11. Seen anything weird lately?
There was almost a fight in one of my classes yesterday all over reading a journal article. That was kinda weird.

12. What do you think of this quiz?
I think this question should be at the end, and not in the middle so I can give a proper answer. But so far it seems aight.

13. What is the last film you saw?
Land of the Dead. Hilarious, one of the best bad movies I've seen in a while. I'm talking Exit Wounds levels here folks.

14. If you turned a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A new golf bag and maybe a digital camera. Wait, fuck 'maybe' of course I would by it I'm a multi-millionaire now I can buy all the useless shit I want. Oh yeah, and happiness, I would totally buy some happiness.

15. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
It would be helpful if I already knew what you know, y'know? Is there anything you want to know? I had hot dogs for dinner last night, unless there is something you want to know thats all you're getting.

16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Make myself a multi-millionaire? World peace? Eliminate student debt? Eliminate all debt? Clothing optional? Well if its regardless of guilt that really opens up pandora's box on some crazy shit you could do and get away with right? Fuck it, I'm cutting the earth's population but 75%, if you're reading this I hope you make the cut.

17. Do you like to Dance?
Nope.

18. George Bush.
Thats not even a question, you stupid meme. Stephen Harper.

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Kiddo, or champ, maybe I'll mix in a slugger every once and a while. I just cut the global population by 3/4, I'd be kind of a dick if I just turned around and then had a kid though eh?

20. Imagine your boyfriend is making sweet love to his Xbox 360, what would you do?
My boyfriend huh? Well I guess that could've gone up in that question about what you don't know about me. As long as it was "sweet love" I think I'd be okay with it. If he was "fucking the shit" out of an Xbox there might be a problem. Oh, and Xboxes suck, that is all.

21. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yeah, of course. I'd be pretty narrow minded to say I wouldn't even consider it. I think I'd rather stay somewhere in Canada, but at the very least I would consider moving.

22. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Whats up buddy? C'mon in.

23. 4 people who must also do this meme in their journal.
You, you, that guy over there and don't think I didn't see you trying to hide in the back, you're sure as fuck doing this thing. And I'm out.

Concert Week

2006-03-21T23:31:00.000-05:00

well its been awhile since i've been to a concert, but i've got two this week, or had two. oasis was last night and it was great. liam was as cocky as ever, and got to hear noel yell to the crowd "was that you boooing fatty?". diane got a setlist, which was pretty much the same as last time i saw them. still had a better time thou, since we were on the floor. coldplay is coming up on thursday, i think i'm bringing my camera, since so many people had them at oasis, guess they don't really check. might see some pics on friday.

i'll try to post something funny next time.

Everything he sees is something to kill and eat

2006-03-21T18:16:00.000-05:00

Alfonso Soriano is a dick. I'm not going to get into this one right now, cause I'm even more angry about something else, but lets just say that Soriano can go fornicate himself with the business end of a shovel and leave it at that for now. I don't even have this guy on any of my fantasy teams.

I love 24, its a great show, but they really pissed me off last week. Okay if you've got it taped and haven't watched it yet, get out of here right now. I'm not kidding, fuck off. Look I'm even doing you the favour of just writing this junk so that your eyes don't mistakenly pickup words in the lines below and ruin anything. See this sentence has absolutely nothing to do with anything, its only here for your benefit. Alright, I'll assume that if you're still with me it won't be a shock to know that Edgar died on 24 two weeks ago. It sucked for him (and Chloe too I guess), but when he died he got the 'silent clock treatment'. Normally at every show break the clock ticks away, with only a couple exceptions reserved for when an emotional scene occurs almost always after a major characters untimely death (once it happened before). Edgar dies, gets the silent clock everything is fine and dandy. Then the next week the show ends with Tony 'Cubs Mug' Almeda getting killed. No silent clock. At first I was super pissed, Tony was my favorite character not named Bauer on that show and it was bad enough that they killed him, but then they disrespected his memory by not giving him the silent clock. This post almost happened right after that episode, but then a better theory was brought up. Of course Tony Almeda would get a silent clock, after all hes one of the few guys that have been there from the begining, so the lack of the silent clock must mean that he didn't die, he just got fucked up again. It was not to be, last night's episode confirmed that Tony is very much dead. Motherfuckers. Thats bullshit right there.

Terrell Owens signed with the Dallas Cowboys the other day, and as much as I hate the Cowboys I hope Drew Bledsoe throws him bombs all season and breaks Peyton Manning's single season record. Because as much as I hate the 'boys Drew is still my hommie.

I don't watch American Idol so I want to know how many people are still left on that show? Why do they still need a 2 hour timeslot? GO AWAY! Stick to your 1 hour slot and let me watch House you fuckers! I haven't seen it for 3 weeks now because of damned singers that no one is going to care about two months from now. Seriously, what happened to that big fat dude from before? Did he die, or did people just stop caring? Man, I'm gonna feel really bad if he actually died...well kinda bad anyway. Other then Kelly Clarkson has anyone from that show gone on to do anything semi-significant? Fuck your cranky black-shirted judge, I want my cranky quick-witted doctor back.

At least LOST is new tomorrow, that should calm me down a little.

I like to post rap lyrics that I find particularily amusing from time to time, but I tend to ignore some of the other stuff, like country. There is some funny shit in country music, and so I'll leave you with this little snippit from one of my new favorite songs:

"Well I was drunk, the day my mom, got out of prison
and I went, to pick her up, in the ray-eyaah-eyain (rain)
but before I, get to the station in my, pickup truck
she got runned over by a damned old traaaay-eyain (train)"

Fuckin' classic.

Party up in here, up in here

2006-03-20T13:31:00.000-05:00

I almost missed my party day again, I was sitting here procrastinating from an assignment thinking 'hmmmm, the 20th, there was something about today wasn't there'. Then it hit me, so grab a hat and a sandwich, kick back and lets do this thing.

I don't remember why this site got started, the three of us (yes there are actually 3 people here, the other two are just really good at hide n' go seek) each had our own blogs, but its probably safe to assume it was some kind of procrastination project. I do remember brainstorming for the name of this thing, and I have to say I'm happy we went with 'Bacon Strips' over ideas like 'Suck My Blog' and other titles that were only funny for about 5 minutes. Wait, thats not true because I giggled just now as I wrote 'suck my blog'. Although if we had gone with that just think what kind of picture I would have had to put up there instead of a sandwich. I say we made the right call.

In our first year we've had 220 posts, some of which are actually worth reading. Suprisingly of those 220 only 37 made some kind of meantion about fantasty sports. Yes I actually went through the archives and counted, thats why I throw the most kickass blog parties, pure dedication. Remember those "weekly" Top 5 lists we were supposed to do? Well we ended up with 19 of them, when in theory we should have had 104, guess we kinda dropped the ball on that one. We watch a lot of TV around here and the television shows House and LOST were brought up 16 and 13 times respectivly. Sadly Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers had the same number of meantions as Canada's Golden Boy Chad Kroger with two.

According to our site meter doohickey we had about 5500 hits in our first year, but that also counts the 15 times a day that I check this site so I think that means we really only had something like 25 hits, which is pretty cool to me at least. The two biggest search engine events in our sites history were (not counting people looking for "bacon strips" because thats just too easy) people trying to understand Young Jeezy's 'patty cake, patty cake microwave' lyric and the folks looking for pictures of olympian Tanith Belbin in various stages of undress. I'd like to take a second to personally apologize to those people for not having the content they were looking for. I'd also like to thank Desiree and Jona, Hendo and the H77 Crew, Maine and the ESC for sending people our way because honestly everyone can use more bacon in their lives.

Okay well thats all I had to really say, and I was thinking about being a dick and just kicking you out right here. But don't you hate when a party host starts flicking the lights on and off just because someone puked in their pillow? I know I do, so stick around as long as you like, help yourself to another sandwich and please, don't puke in my pillow. And if you're gonna stay, why don't you check out a few of my favorite posts:
My first 'real' post
Tom's Foul Ball Experience
My Top 20 Movie Quotes
Steve is so angry
I love this picture
This is for the Hulkamaniacs
Our site's longest post
Mike eats a hot dog
Best. Video. Ever.

On that note, we cue the music. Take er easy folks.