i want candy!
boo
- posted by steve @ 7:19 PM 1 comments

 
United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama...



Not only is this a great video but it's also one of the most played songs on my iPod. Yeah I'm awesome like that. Enjoy.
- posted by Mike @ 2:35 AM 2 comments

 
Like Prison Break...but not at all
One of the perks of my new job is that I get to wear a lab coat. If you wear a lab coat and walk around quickly enough then it's almost like a superhero's cape. So basically I fight crime and injustice all day. The other day I'm walking around work, in my lab coat, and this guy comes up to me and says "Excuse me, do you work here?" Why else would I have the lab coat on? I wanted to tell the guy that I had stolen it and that I was planning a break out, and that if he kept his wits about him that he could join me on my quest. But instead I just giggled internally and said "Yes, yes I do work here." I can't even remember what the guy wanted now, all I can remember is his awesome powers of deduction.
- posted by Mike @ 11:36 PM 0 comments

 
Of all the desks, in all the world...

So I'm 'The New Guy' at work now, and thats all fine and dandy (like sour candy). Most of my coworkers are cool and I don't have any problems with them. But there is this one guy. He has actually been there a shorter time then me (by about 5 days), which makes me the second newest employee. Anyway to make a short story even shorter, I walk into 'my office' and this motherfucker is sitting in my chair! With his feet up on my desk! Just like that picture too, with the hands behind the head and everything. So when he sees me come in he mutters some shit and heads out. Then I catch him in there again like an hour later! That would be like if I walked into your house and punched you in the face and then broke your DVD player. Don't look at me with that skeptical look, that's exactly what it's like. So now I'm semi-activly trying to get him fired. Wish me luck!
- posted by Mike @ 6:29 PM 0 comments

 
Would you read something I wrote?
So I was over at Miles From Fenway and I've learned that November is NaNoWriMo (Kinda like BiMonSciFiCon, but not at all). Oddly enough, I'm considering it. Writing a novel is one of those ideas I've had kicking around in my head for a couple years now, but I've always used being in school as an excuse. Well I'm not in school right now so I don't have the excuse. Now I know what you're probably thinking. This motherfucker can't even write a decent blog, and now he thinks he's gonna be the next Tom Clancy? Fuck that. Or you might have thought that without the swearing (but I doubt it). Anyway, I don't really expect myself to punch out 50,000 words in a month, and if by some miracle I do, I really don't expect it to be good (Hell if someone can read the first 3 pages and put it down without swearing I'll declare victory), but it'll give me something to do besides smoking crack*. And now that I've posted about it, it becomes semi-official. Therefore the deadline becomes more 'real', and if you know anything about me you probably know that I eat deadlines for breakfast. On a related note I also cross the word "Cheerios" off on my cereal boxes and scribble "Deadlines" in, so thats something to think about too.

Now all I need are some characters and a plot. I figure once I've got that covered the book oughta write itself right? Right.

*You smoke crack right? Man, I really need a refresher course in drug usage.
- posted by Mike @ 11:35 PM 0 comments

 
What do all these people have in common?

Mario Lemieux

Mase

Roger Clemens

Michael Jordan

and now...

Jay-Z

Not that we didn't all see this coming or anything.

- posted by Mike @ 6:08 PM 3 comments

 
Doorbells should have snooze buttons.
So I've started this new job and the hours are wacking out my sleep paterns. Today however I wasn't working and the only thing on my 'To Do' list was "sleep in hardcore". Then the doorbell starts ringing. Who the hell has the nerve to ring my doorbell at 10 in the morning?! Thats my first thought. *Ding-dong* Who the fuck rings it twice!!?? Now I'm almost angry enough to get up and see who it is. Almost. *Ding-dong* Okay, now I kinda feel like a dick for not answering it earlier, because anyone who would ring the doorbell 3 times either (a) knows I'm home and needs me to come to the door, like a family member that forgot their keys for example, or (b) has some kind of emergency. Right? Those are the only logical reasons for ringing more then twice. The first ring is standard, the second 'courtesy ring' is in case the person in the house didn't hear the first one, or thought they might've heard something but wasn't sure. That third ring though, that third ring is for when there is a fire-breathing dragon chasing you down the street and you need to seek refuge.

Speaking of fire-breathing dragons...I open the door. Now I'm standing there in a housecoat, looking about one level better then a zombie and the first line out of this woman's mouth is "Oh, did I wake you?". Are you serious? It's not like my house is so big that it took this long for me to just walk to the front door. Now if anyone is reading this who isn't from the Toronto area you should know that we have an election coming up and some of the candidates have been going door to door talking shit and trying to secure votes (If you are from the Toronto area and didn't know about the election then shame on you). Thats who I assumed this woman was. Wrong again.

She hands me this flyer, which I'm expecting to say something like "Vote for Me, I'd vote for you!" and then a bunch of reasons why she should be my representative in office. Not even close. How's this for a headline "The End of False Religion is Near!". Yeah, thats what I got out of bed for. Oh and I just checked, it wasn't a fire-breathing dragon in the flyer. It was a seven-headed leopard/jaguar hybrid.

When I get around to actually reading this flyer you'll be sure to hear about it. From the pictures it looks pretty fucking entertaining.
- posted by Mike @ 11:33 AM 2 comments

 
A cancelled show, a new show and a nuclear test, oh my!
Hey remember that show Smith with Ray Liotta that I told you to watch? Yeah well I guess no one listened to me because its already been cancelled. 3 episodes in and CBS pulled the plug because only 8.5 million people were watching. 8.5 MILLION!! So they're replacing it with reruns of CSI and some other show I've never heard of/watched. Fucking jerks.

Thankfully I've found a great new show. Rent-a-Goalie on Showcase! Thats right, showcase is good for more then just softcore pornography. Its a half hour comedy about a guy running a rental goalie service (in case you hadn't figured that out from the title). Of course if you don't find grown men calling each other 'Ass munchers' and 'Gaylords' amusing then this might not be the show for you. Oh and did I meantion that they're calling each other these things in Irish accents? Yeah you're sold now. (Woka woka woka woka)

On a non-television note North Korea tested a nuclear weapon and most of the world freaked out. All of the UN nations smack talked this move and pretty much every country on the planet agrees (at least every country that I've heard say anything). Now I'm not saying that North Korea is right in developing nuclear weapons. My issue is with the countries that already have nuclear weapons being pissed at North Korea. Take the States and Russia for example, where did their nukes come from? The States didn't just whip up the technology and drop it on Japan. What did they do first? They fucking tested it! How can you condemn another nation for doing the same thing that you did? All the non-nuclear countries can say whatever they want, but the ones with nukes really need to just step back on this one. Otherwise the impact of the outrage is lessened. At least thats how I see it.
- posted by Mike @ 7:45 PM 1 comments

 
Happy Thanksgiving!

- posted by Mike @ 9:38 AM 2 comments

 
Leafs vs. Sens
Pregame:

This is awesome. Hockey is back and James Duthie on TSN couldn't get through his opening line without garbling it up. "The Leafs always win in the playoffs (when they make it), and the Sens take games in the seas- er..reglum...ahh, regular season." He had all summer to work on that one. For shame.

God, Tie Domi is an ugly man. His first line was about as good as Duthie's. "The Leafs need to go out there an win, they can't afford to beat themselves, no one wants to beat themselves". Does that count as its own masturbation joke or do you want to insert one here? Haha 'insert one here', damn this is a filthy pre-show.

"Gotta shoot the puck to score goals". Check. Thanks Tie. I guess Mike Knuble never heard that one. Fuckin Knuble is cashing cheques off of 'goals' other players bank off of him.

Molson Canadian just aired the same commercial they used when the lockout ended. Y'know the one with the guys all singing in front of the TV? Speaking of people that had all summer to come up with something. I hereby declare that I will not drink another Molson beverage until they air a new hockey themed commercial.

Now they're unvailing the Stanley Cup banner in Carolina. But they started with the Conference Champions banner. Wouldn't it be assumed that you won the conference if you got the Cup? Only the losers should have Conference Champion banner raisings. And to think I called Glen Wesley stupid for leaving Toronto to head back to the 'Canes. I bet Jeff O'neill wishes he never left either.

There's a bunch of bagpipers on the ice right now...I think I'll go find something to eat, this game might not start for a while.

Okay I'm back, and while I was eating I heard Tie Domi say that Alfredson looks like 'Bozo The Clown'...about 20 minutes after I said almost the same thing. Damnit, Tie Domi agreed with me. I feel kinda sick and dirty.

Players to watch this game: Sundin, Raycroft, McCabe and Patrick Eaves. Why? Because I drafted them in at least one of my pools.

1st Period

Wait. What the fuck is going on here? Where are Bob Cole and Harry Neale? I can't do a liveblog with Pierre 'MONSTER' McGuire jabbering on all night. This sucks.

TSN has decided to go with the scoring 'bar' across the top of the screen instead of the old school 'box'. This decision I like.

Turns out that I can't do two things at once, like type and watch the game for example. Not much has happened anyway. Wellwood is playing on the top line with Mats Sundin and Alexi Ponakarovski, who is like the the hockey player version of Nik Antropov.

Toronto powerplay! If Paul Maurice has an actual powerplay unit then hes already worth replacing Pat Quinn. The top powerplay unit looks solid, but the B team has given up some shorthanded chances.

Belak took a penalty? I'm shocked. Not that he took one, just that it took him over 18 minutes to get it. What a bum. And no, thats not a homoerotic compliment.

Anyone else think that Paul Maruice looks like Paul Walker and Matt Damon had a love child? And that love child somehow ended up older then both the parents. Okay maybe Maurice looks more like their father...but then I'd have to think up a mother and I already spent half the period figuring out who Maurice looked like so fuck that.

Patrick Eaves scores a powerplay goal. 1-0 Sens. Thats why I took Eaves in the last round of one of my pools.

Intermission

James Duthie just said "If you picked up Patrick Eaves late in your pool, you're looking pretty smart right now." I'm not sure if he was talking specifically to me, but I'm kinda freaked out right now. I think TSN might have one of those key stroke thingamajiggers on my computer. Thats the only explanation right?

2nd Period

Pierre McGuire just confirmed that Jeff O'neill does still have his hands. Just so you know.

Chris Neil just scored...if you have Chris Neil in your pool then.... Well I guess thats cool. 2-0 Sens.

Sundin looks hurt. Thankfully Prime Minister Harper is there to show remorse. Maybe not remorse...sympathy might be a better word. Who can tell with his cold dead eyes anyway.

Sundin...SCORES!! Scores? on a penalty shot. Uh oh, they're going up stairs...and GOAL! The puck got through Gerber's pads, but because it was rolling so slowly the ref signaled no goal, then the puck crossed the line. Silly ref, you know you can wait til the play is over to make your signal right?

Alright I'm outta here. Enjoy the rest of the game. (or LOST or both!)
- posted by Mike @ 7:06 PM 3 comments

 
Sometimes I hate the baseball playoffs...

House is in repeats until the baseball playoffs are over. Strike one.

I'm watching the Twins play the A's and yet every other conversation seems to come back to how glorious Derek Jeter is. Strike two.

Justin Morneau's last name is pronounced "more-no" not "more-new" or "more-nyeow". Hit by pitch.

Mark Kotsay just hit an inside the park homer. Motherfuck.

In better news, LOST and the NHL both start up again tonight. Woo! I think I'm gonna tape LOST and liveblog the Leafs/Sens game. Why? Cause I'm awesome like that.

Also if you're bored out of your skull like me, check this out. I don't want to call it a game, but its the most fun you can have on the internet today without seeing nudity or a moose.

- posted by Mike @ 3:21 PM 0 comments